To See You Again
by LuKEN
Summary: Jadzia Dax is up for an adventure when a stranger strands on DS9, harboring the dark secret of a tragedy that happened in another lifetime but yet hits close to home. Partly complete but Part 2 is coming
1. Chapter 1

Title: To See You Again

Summary: Set somewhere around the end of season 4, not interfering with any storyline. Dax is up for an adventure when a stranger strands on DS9, harboring the dark secret of a tragedy that happened in another lifetime but yet hits close to home.

Disclaimer: Big surprise, I don't own _Star Trek: Deep Space Nine _or any of its characters and I guess no one cares enough about my original characters to bother stealing them.

Author's note: I really like DS9 but I'm not too big on the whole Star Trek thing otherwise so please don't kill me if I got some things wrong or screwed up details. Don't hesitate to point out any mistake though, preferably in a constructive way. That being said, enjoy!

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**Part 1**

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I.

_Phaser fire cut through the air, its orange beams momentarily lighting up the inside of the cave. Cowering behind a rock and clenching her teeth, the woman forced herself to keep her head down and wait. She was trapped. With the only exit being blocked, there was no going back or forth and she cursed herself again for being so thoughtless. But when the attack had started and people around her had dropped to the ground by the dozen her only concern had been to take cover somewhere. This cave had been her best shot and she had sighed in relief when she had reached its inside without being hit. Now she didn't feel so lucky anymore. _

_At least she wasn't unarmed, she thought when the fire ceased for a moment, and she risked leaving the safety of her cover just long enough to discharge the disrupter she had grabbed while fleeing from the scene. She had lost her own phaser when a tall Bajoran had collapsed on top of her. She could still feel his blood on her cheek but couldn't bring herself to wipe it away. _

_She had taken cover again and although she was under heavy fire she could hear the screams from outside where people were being slaughtered. She had to get out of here. Clenching her teeth she came up from behind her rock once more and fired three quick bursts towards the position of her attackers. She heard someone wince and wanted to fire again but the only thing leaving the disrupter was the sound of an empty battery cell. She didn't waste time cursing but ducked down immediately. _

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Sitting at her console in Ops, Lt. Commander Jadzia Dax tried to focus on the sensor recalibrations she had been working on for the last three hours. It was about time Chief O'Brien got back from his vacation. She had no idea how he put up with these Cardassian systems and their self-will day after day.

"So, can I win you over for dinner at the new Bolian place on the promenade?"

"I'm sorry, Julian," Dax answered without looking up, "But I just feel like getting to my quarters and rest."

"And you're not just saying that because you're planning to join Quark's tongo table after hours?" Bashir teased.

"Since you're usually long asleep by the time we play that wouldn't keep me from having dinner with you first," she countered and glanced up to see the fake hurt expression on Julian's face. "But I was actually really looking forward to some peace and quiet tonight. Kira gave me this compilation of Bajoran poetry and –"

The sound coming from her console made her stop midways through the sentence and she quickly checked what was going on.

"Something's coming through the worm hole."

She put it on screen and they watched the marvellous sight of the worm hole building up and unfolding seemingly out of nowhere and then spitting out a single ship into the alpha quadrant before disappearing again. Dax quickly worked the scanners, then opened a channel to Sisko's office.

"Benjamin, you better get out here."

"What is it, old man?" Sisko asked as soon as he had joined them in Ops.

"A ship just came through the worm hole. The scanners detect major damage to primary and secondary systems, structural integrity is critical."

"Open a channel."

"No response."

"Try all frequencies," Sisko ordered and looked expectantly at the screen but Dax shook her head.

"Still not responding."

Sisko furrowed his brows. "How long until they lose structural integrity?"

Dax let her fingers run over the console, gathering all the information the scanners would provide. "Hull breach is imminent," she reported then.

"Can we beam the crew aboard?"

"That's weird," Dax murmured, prompting Sisko to give her a questioning look. "The sensors can lock on the ship and scan its structure and status, warp drive, weapons, shields…but I'm not getting any readings on life signs, transporters or communication."

"No life signs? You mean there's no one on board this ship?"

"No, I mean I'm not getting any readings on it. Something's blocking the scanners."

"So no beaming," Bashir stated. If the transporter couldn't detect anything there was nothing to beam.

"Other options?" Sisko asked for suggestions and for a moment it was silent.

"At least not off the ship," Dax muttered and moved over to another console.

Bashir and Sisko exchanged glances.

"We can't beam anyone off the ship but I think I found a way to allow us to beam on the ship." "I'm not going to let anyone beam on board of a ship that is close to a hull breach when there's no way to beam back on the station," Sisko exclaimed in a familiar tone of voice, but she had stopped being intimidated by it some time ago. _About a life time ago._

"Whatever is blocking our signal doesn't look like a malfunction. It's probably an active program in the main computer. Once I'm on board I can circumvent or deactivate it."

"A program?" Bashir interjected. "I can see why they wouldn't want anyone to just beam on board. But why have a program that lets us see their weapons and shields but not their life signs?"

"Maybe it's their way of deterrence," Dax shrugged.

Watching his science officer reaching for a pad and transferring data Sisko knew she was determined to go no matter what objections he would raise. "We don't even know if anyone's on board that ship," he barked.

"This ship doesn't match any type or specification we've seen but from what I can tell, its weapons, engines, everything is so highly developed, a ship like that doesn't get abandoned. And it's not drifting, someone manoeuvred it through the worm hole."

Sisko gritted his teeth. He wanted to ask Dax why she was so sure she would be able to fix the transporters but he also knew there was no time for long explanations. He either trusted her or not.

"Structural integrity just dropped another two percent."

Where the hell was O'Brien when he needed him? A second opinion wouldn't have hurt. He sighed in frustration.

"Sisko to Security."

¤¤¤

Moments later Dax and Bashir materialized on board the strange ship, accompanied by two members of Starfleet security.

"You know, it's a good thing this ship isn't too big considering we'll have to search it without using the scanners," Bashir joked, taking a sceptical look around. There were minor damages all around them, circuit relays and plasma conduits exposed, cables and wires sticking out and hanging down, and small fires here and there.

"Wow," one of the security officers uttered. "What happened here?"

"Apparently some sort of implosion that ripped through the entire ship," Dax explained, making her way over to one of the computer consoles that seemed still to function. "Check your tricorder, Julian. If I was right it should work just fine now that we're on board."

"And if you were wrong?" Bashir asked but found his tricorder working indeed. "Guess you weren't."

"I'm trying to get the internal sensors up but I haven't figured out yet how the system works."

"You just concentrate on getting us out of here," Julian interjected, modifying his tricorder for a broad spectrum scan for life signs. "We'll go check for survivors."

"Be careful."

Bashir nodded and walked off in one direction after signalling the security officers to head the other way.

He didn't have to go far before picking up a life sign but it was extremely weak and disappeared just as he had found its origin. The man seemed humanoid but didn't belong to any species the doctor had seen before. Taking a last look at the deceased Julian got back on his feet. _Where there's one…_

"Dax to Bashir. Julian, can you hear me?"

"Loud and clear. You found us a way out of here yet?"

"I'm working on it."

Julian suppressed a sigh. He couldn't imagine a situation in which he would hesitate to put his life into Jadzia's hands and he didn't now either, but it wasn't completely off to be a little concerned, was it?

"You found anything yet?" Dax's voice came through his communicator and he refocused.

"Apparently one of the crew members but he didn't make it. I'm almost at the end of the ship now and about to move up to the next level."

"I got it."

Jadzia's excited exclamation made him stop in his moves.

"You got the transporters working?" he asked hopefully.

"I found the program that was blocking our signal and deactivated it. I also got the internal sensors up and I'm detecting one life sign, weak but steady. The only problem is we're running out of time."

"How long?"

"Not long enough," Dax replied, her hands flying over the console she had been working on. "I'm closest so I'll get there myself. Beam back down immediately, Julian. I'll meet you in the infirmary."

"Jadzia, I won't –" he started but she cut him off. There was no time for debate.

"That's an order, doctor."

There was silence for a moment before he confirmed. "Understood. Bashir out."

Relieved Dax entered the last commands and then activated the internal transporter she had just brought online. She'd rather have her transport run through Ops than risking to have her molecules scattered all over the place but the structural integrity field could only be moments away from collapse now and giving her destination to Ops and wait for them to process the coordinates and initiate the transport would take seconds she might not have. Relocating her signal afterwards and beaming her back to the station would on the other hand go much faster so there was something she didn't have to worry about. If she made it that far…

She felt the familiar warm tingling and instinctively closed her eyes until she felt herself materializing again. To her great relief she seemed to be in one piece and with all her body parts where they belonged. _Phew…_

She caught sight of it right away. About two feet away from her lay a body that had to be the reason for her coming. Quickly kneeling down she hit her communicator badge.

"Dax to Ops. Two to beam out."

¤¤¤

Standing on Ops Sisko held his breath as the ship turned into a glowing fireball and dissolved into a zillion pieces.

"Report," he barked and the Bajoran crewman on duty frantically worked his console.

"The entire team is back on the station," he stated in relief. "Dax and Bashir are in the infirmary with one survivor from the ship."

"Good," Sisko nodded, feeling himself slowly relax as well. _Damn you, old man. _It had been a close shave.

Down in the infirmary Dax had similar thoughts, but her curiosity about the survivor they had rescued won over her concerns, as usually. She was science officer for a reason.

The survivor was a woman. Humanoid, in fact even terranian looking as far as she could tell, but with all the blood, cuts, and burned flesh there was no way to be sure.

"Her injuries are extensive." Bashir looked up from the console of the medical scanner and stepped closer to his patient. "I don't know what caused the damage we saw on that ship but it's not the only thing that happened to her," he pointed out, mostly talking to Jadzia who was standing at the other side of the table but holding her distance in order to give him some space to work. An alarm went off and he quickly turned back to his scanner.

"20 ccs of dectozine and 30 of letasoline," he ordered one of the nurses. "We need to stabilize her letathaeum levels. I also want a basilar arterial scan to check for nerve damage and a cortical stimulator prepped. We have to monitor activity in the neo cortex."

"Julian," Dax interrupted, noticing the woman seemed to be coming around. And indeed, a few moments later her eyes fluttered open and almost immediately started to search her surroundings at the same time as she took a deep breath, eagerly filling her lungs with air as if she had been on the verge of suffocating. She seemed terrified.

"Alright," Bashir said in his most reassuring voice, "It's alright. You're in the infirmary of a space station where you're getting medical treatment."

But his efforts seemed to be lost on his panic-stricken patient whose gaze flickered through the room like that of a hunted animal. He gave it another try.

"It's okay. You're safe here."

But instead of calming down the woman actually tried to sit up now. He tried to hold her back by placing a hand on her shoulder but she brushed it off.

"20ccs of hyperzine," he ordered and tried again to hold his patient down, this time using both hands. For a moment she fought him but then all of a sudden surrendered. Following her eyes to the new focus of her attention, Bashir found himself looking at Dax.

Jadzia noticed the sudden change in the stranger's face. From one moment to the next all signs of panic and terror seemed to have disappeared and been replaced by an expression of utter disbelief and astonishment and something Dax had a hard time putting her finger on. _Relief? _Sadness? Pain? _Fear?_ Maybe all of it.

"You're here."

The voice was so weak she could barely hear her. She stepped closer. "It's alright," she repeated the doctor's words in her most reassuring voice.

"She must be hallucinating," Julian whispered.

The woman seemed to calm down a little but then another alarm went off and a moment later the she started ceasing. Not violently, but enough for Bashir to repeat his order of hyperzine.

"Doctor," one of the nurses got his attention and he quickly took the hypo she was already holding out and injected it into the patient's neck. She almost instantly slipped into unconsciousness and a second later her body lay completely still again.

"Where's that cortical stimulator?"


	2. Chapter 2

II.

_Pressing her back flat against the cold stone she stared at the useless weapon in her hand for a moment before throwing it to the ground. So many curse words came to her mind she couldn't even pick one. In the end she didn't have to.. _

_The fire died down and there were no more screams from outside either. The silence was sudden and out of place. As if nothing had ever happened. _

_She knew her attackers were aware of her situation. They weren't foolish enough to think she had died without a sound. Their weapons didn't promise that much mercy, automatically set on the highest level of destruction. She took a deep breath. Ending it quickly would probably be for the best; she knew what was waiting for her if they got her alive. The only problem was she really didn't want to die. _

_She's safe, she thought as she lifted herself up from the ground and straightened up, closing her eyes as she halfway expected, halfway hoped to be hit by a last round of phaser fire. At least, she's safe. _

_"Turn around," she was ordered and not sure whether she was disappointed or relieved she did as she was told. _

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Bashir had just finished his morning routine in the infirmary and put his feet up to enjoy the first ragdajino of the day when he noticed Sisko making his entrance. Putting the cup aside he got up immediately.

"Doctor," Sisko exclaimed as soon as he caught sight of his first medical officer.

"Captain."

"How's your patient?"

"Which one?" Bashir tried to joke but concluded from the look Sisko darted him that it wasn't the right time. Motioning for the Captain to follow him, he walked over to the bio bed then where his currently only patient was resting.

"She's stabilizing but I'd like to keep her sedated for another day or two. There was severe nerve damage to the brain as well as internal and external burn wounds, probably caused by radiation. She also had numerous contusions and fractures, phaser burns, some of which seemed old, some rather fresh, and finally a lot of lacerations, cuts and bruises."

Sisko raised a brow. "And you were able to repair all of these injuries?"

"Yes," Julian stated, holding back a self-satisfied grin although he couldn't find anything wrong with being a little proud at his achievement. He had done everything humanly possible and fixed everything there was to fix within the course of only a couple of hours. Everything else needed time and patience.

"I'm impressed, doctor," Sisko said to his surprise and Julian allowed that smug expression to enter his expression after all. "Any idea on who she is or where she's from?"

"She's humanoid, her physiological profile is very close to ours but doesn't match, and neither does that of any other species we've ever encountered."

"I'm going to ask the Constable to make some investigations," Sisko muttered, a pensive expression on his face. He knew if anyone could find out who their guest was, it was Odo. "Please provide him with any information he might ask for."

"Of course."

"When do you think she'll be stable enough to be awake?"

"Like I said, I'd like to give it another day or two. Besides everything else she was also severely malnourished and is still very weak. The longer her body gets to rest and recover the better."

"Alright then, doctor," Sisko turned to leave, knowing the stranger was in good hands with Bashir. "Let me know if anything changes."

"Captain," the young doctor held him back. "Do we know anything about what happened on that ship?"

"We will do our best to bring some light into the matter but since the ship was destroyed we might never know. Why?"

Bashir seemed to hesitate for a moment.

"I can't imagine any accident that would explain all of these injuries."

That certainly got Sisko's full attention.

"Then what's your theory, doctor?" he inquired.

"Those internal and external radiation burns I mentioned – they were nowhere else on her body except for her head, specifically the area around her frontal lobes. So unless she literally put her head into a radiation chamber I would say someone intentionally exposed parts of her brain to radiation."

"You mean as a form of torture," Sisko concluded and Bashir nodded.

"I'm not sure there actually is any such technique but I could imagine a procedure where some sort of radiation-inducing device could be used to manipulate the frontal lobes in order to disrupt a person's self control or will to resist and withhold information."

Sisko frowned. Until now he had been concerned with an unidentified ship that had exploded in front of his station and a surviving crew member he had no idea how to identify. Now he wondered if that survivor had actually been a crew member or even just a voluntary passenger at all. Things kept getting more complicated instead of clearer.

"I'll check Starfleet's medical database to see if there are any reports about such procedures."

"Thank you, doctor," he mumbled, turning to leave once again. "Let me know what you find out." He had a feeling though that it wouldn't be enough to have the doctor make some medical enquiries.

¤¤¤

On the promenade deck, Lt. Commander Dax was about to take a sip of the strange smelling brew Quark had asked her to taste, only the Ferengi hadn't used those words. _A new discovery from the Gamma quadrant. I reserved the first one especially for you. On the house. _Kira watched sceptically.

"Sisko to Dax."

Dax put the drink down to hit her com badge. "Go ahead."

"I need to see you in my office, old man."

"On my way, Benjamin." The trill shrugged. "Sorry, Quark. Another time."

The Ferengi seemed disappointed, but only for a second.

"How about you, Major?" he turned to Kira but backed off immediately at the way she glared at him. "Like she said," he muttered. "Another time."

"I guess Sisko just saved us," Kira remarked when the two women stepped out onto the promenade. But Jadzia just frowned at her.

"Oh, come on," Kira exclaimed in disbelief, "don't tell me you were actually going to drink that?"

"Why wouldn't I?" the trill replied in equal disbelief.

"Because it smelled horrible."

"It smelled exotic. You should really be a bit more open-minded, Kira," Dax stated and got into the turbo lift.

Kira's jaw dropped onto her chest and for a moment she just stared at her friend but then shrugged and followed. After all, she knew Jadzia had a weird taste when it came to a lot of things. Her choices regarding who she socialized with were only one example.

"Ops," Kira ordered and the turbo lift moved upwards. "By the way," she decided to change the subject, "did you find the time yet to read some of Jola's poems?"

"Uh…no," Dax shook her head. "I was going to last night but with everything that happened, I was just so tired." That was a lie but she couldn't tell Kira the truth. At least not before she had given Joral another try. "I heard Shakaar is coming to the station next week?" she decided it was time for a change of subject.

"Yes," Kira smiled just as they arrived at Ops. "He's going to be present at the inauguration of the new Vedeks. The assembly thought Deep Space Nine with its proximity to the Celestial Temple would be the perfect place for the ceremony."

"I've never seen a Vedek inauguration."

"Oh, I can get you in there if you want to."

"Really? Would that be okay?"

"Sure," Kira shrugged. "You can come as my guest. Shakaar going to be busy anyway and as long as you don't plan on interrupting the ceremony there's no reason why you shouldn't be allowed to watch."

"I'd love that," Dax explained as she turned to walk up the few steps leading to Sisko's office. "Thank you, Nerys."

"You're welcome," the Major shrugged and turned to her console.

"Come in," Benjamin's voice came from the rear of the room as soon as the doors had opened and Jadzia saw him sitting on the comfortable sofa that was meant for more relaxed or private conversations.

"I've just been invited to watch a Vedek inauguration," she reported. "Curzon would be so jealous."

Sisko smiled. "Are you gloating?"

"A little bit," the trill grinned. "But that is probably not what you wanted to see me about."

"No," Sisko sighed, his expression turning serious. "I just came from the infirmary where Doctor Bashir gave me an update on his patient. He thinks she has been tortured."

Dax sat down across from him. "I think that was his assumed from the start but he probably wanted to be sure before mentioning it to you."

Sisko nodded. "So we have a ship of unknown type and specification coming through the worm hole and exploding seconds after we managed to rescue the only survivor," he summarized. "Is there anything you can tell me from when you were scanning that ship?"

"You mean besides from what I already told you? Not much," Dax shrugged. "I wish I had had more time and saved all the data."

"You said its warp drive, engines, weapons, shields were better."

"Higher developed," the trill corrected but he chose to ignore it.

"Compared to what, old man? Starfleet standards, the Federation's, Romulan, Cardassian?"

Dax hesitated for a moment but then she seemed to understand what he was getting at.

"You're trying to figure out where it came from." She nodded. "I guess I was primarily talking about this station but thinking about it now I would have to say higher developed than anything we've seen in this quadrant. Add to that the fact that the ship came through the worm hole and that the dead crew member Bashir saw didn't belong to any species known to us either and you have a well-founded argument that the ship's origin was indeed the Gamma quadrant."

Sighing in frustration Sisko rubbed his temples. He'd been over it in his head a hundred times and he wished it was that simple.

"Then why were you so sure you would be able to fix those transporters?" he asked and Dax played along although she knew he had already figured out the answer. Otherwise they wouldn't have this conversation.

"Because even though the computer system was different than ours it was still following the same logic. Like even when you speak different languages you're still using words and sentences to make meaning. All I had to do was try to find a pattern in order to be able to translate it into something I could understand."

"Well, for both your's and the doctor's sake I'm glad you found that pattern," Sisko grumbled but left it at that. Now was not the time to give Dax a speech about risk assessment. "So, if I'm not mistaken, this ship could have been built by someone in the Alpha quadrant just as well."

"It's possible," she conceded.

"But you don't think it's very likely."

"I just can't imagine whose ship it would be. If Starfleet had developed a new prototype I'm pretty confident we would have been informed before they flew it through the worm hole right in front of our noses."

"One sure would hope so."

"And if it's not them," Jadzia shrugged, "the only empires I can see making such rapid advancements are the Romulans or the Cardassians. But even besides the fact that I didn't see any Romulans or Cardassians on that ship, if either one of them managed to keep this a secret from our intelligence until now then why would they risk revealing it all now?"

"Maybe it wasn't planned. Or maybe it was but without the part where the ship was destroyed."

Dax took a moment to study her old friend's face and the expression of worry and concern on it. "What does Starfleet want you to do, Benjamin?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?" The Trill raised a brow.

"No," Sisko replied, getting up and tugging at his uniform. "Apparently they don't put a lot of trust in your word, old man. Or mine. Unless there's hard evidence they don't want any resources deployed on investigating where that ship came from." _Which makes it hard to get any hard evidence_, he continued in his head.

"I assume you shared your concerns with them?" Dax inquired carefully.

"Yes, I did," he assured, trying to maintain his composure. "But they ignored them."

"And that's what you're upset about."

"I am not upset," he objected in a voice that would have intimidated others. But not Dax.

"You're upset," she insisted and he caved. Partly.

"I'm…irritated."

"Because they don't want you to investigate the ship or because they ignored you?"

He glared at her but once again she didn't seem the least impressed so he cast his eyes round the room instead. "They didn't ignore me. They just ignored the concerns I voiced."

He waited but there was no comment or remark from his friend. He would have bet the part of Dax that was still Curzon was dying right now because Jadzia was holding her tongue.

"So what are you going to do about it?" she asked after a while and he glanced at her before moving to stand in front of one of the windows.

"It's not over yet," he muttered, looking out into the stars. "We still got one shot at getting some answers to our questions."

**¤¤¤**

In the infirmary, Doctor Bashir's patient lay on her bio bed. After having taken care of all of her major injuries, Julian had now started treating the minor ones as well and was just moving the regenerator over the skin on her temple. In a little while he would actually be able to tell what she had looked like before any of this had been done to her.

The alarm snapped him out of his thoughts and his eyes automatically flickered to the nearest console. Her neurological stress levels were way too high again. They had worried him repeatedly over the last 20 hours and although he had managed to control them with the cortical stimulator he had known there was a limit to how much he could manipulate her brain without doing more damage than good. Checking the scan results now he realized he had reached that limit. _Only one thing left to do. _He put the regenerator away and went to get a hypospray instead. It was time to wake her up.

"It's alright," he said as soon as she had opened her eyes and although her body tensed and she flinched and looked around with a fearful expression this time as well her reaction was calmer than the first time she had come to. He took it as an encouragement.

"You're aboard a space station," he tried again, and her eyes rested on him for a few moments, flickered back to the rest of the room as if to make sure there was nothing threatening there, then returned to him once again.

"Something happened to the ship you were on," he explained pedagogically. "There was a lot of damage and you were injured pretty badly so we had to bring you here to treat you. I'm a doctor."

Darting a brief glance at the closest console he could tell his efforts weren't in vain. Her vitals and stress levels were starting to normalize. He turned back to meet her gaze again.

"You're going to have to stay here for a while and get further treatment, but everything looks really good," he continued but she just kept looking at him as if she was trying to figure out what he was talking about. "You're going to be fine," he emphasized. Still, there was no change to her expression, no reaction he could work with. "Can you tell me what happened on the ship, then?" But instead of answering she turned her head away once again and seemed to survey her surroundings. "I could treat you much better if I knew what happened to you," he tried to reason and at least she looked at him again, remaining silent otherwise.

"I'm Doctor Bashir," he tried a different approach. "Julian. What's your name?"

"I don't know," she croaked. And slowly the real nature of the problem dawned on him.

"Do you remember anything that happened before you woke up here?" he asked and knew the answer when she cast her eyes down. _No. _His patient had amnesia.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note:** Thx for reviews so far. I made some corrections and adjustments but the story is still set in s4. Bear with me a little longer and it'll all start making sense. (Or so I hope...)

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III.

_There were two of them, one in the rank of a commanding officer, the other one a field soldier. Both in full combat gear, their helmets were denying a visual of their faces. Not that she cared or that it made a difference. They were all faceless anyway._

_She stretched her arms out to the sides, showing the empty palms of her hands, and slowly sank down to her knees as she was expected to. She knew the drill. _

_"You're being investigated. Stay as you are."_

_She kept her eyes fixed at the wall ahead of her as the two of them moved closer, the soldier keeping her in check while the officer shouldered his weapon. He stopped far enough from her not to give her any chance of attacking him but close enough to scan her image into the portable computer attached to his forearm. She heard him activate the search and they waited in silence as her image was cross-referenced with the database. She wasn't naïve enough to hope for any miracles. _

_"You're wanted for questioning", the officer stated a few seconds later, his voice heavy with the same harsh authority but otherwise as unmoved as if he had given her the time of the day._

_She moved her hands slowly forward and brought them together, continuing to demonstrate complete submissiveness. It wouldn't fool anyone, her opponents were trained for exactly these situations. But there wasn't really any alternative to be explored. _

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"I thought you said you wanted to keep her under sedation, doctor?" Sisko asked and Dax turned to look at Bashir. They were standing in front of the infirmary.

"That was my intention, but like many great plans it came with a flaw."

Sisko furrowed his brow, causing Julian to display a more serious expression.

"In simple terms," he explained, "whatever happened to her caused her to have nightmares which caused her vitals and her neurological stress levels to go through the roof. Normally, she would have woken up and things would have gone back to normal but since I sedated her that option was taken away from her."

Dax noticed Sisko glancing towards the entrance to the infirmary. "I understand," he mumbled.

"Is the memory loss a psychological condition then as well?" she took over.

"I think so. There was severe damage to the brain but nothing indicates any neurological cause."

"Then it's not permanent," Sisko concluded.

"There is a good chance that it's not," Julian agreed. "For the moment, however, I'd like to keep her exposure to what could be a completely unknown environment as limited as possible."

"Which means you'd like to keep her here in the infirmary."

"Not forever but since we have no idea if there's anything that could make her remember something or what that would do to her it's probably best to gradually confront her with the station and its inhabitants. I therefore also recommend that she doesn't get in contact with anyone aside from the people she's already seen which besides me and the nurses leaves Jadzia." He turned to Dax. "She seemed to calm down after seeing you when she first woke up."

"Agreed," Sisko nodded and Bashir went to go back inside.

"Is that true?" Benjamin asked his science officer when the doctor had disappeared. "Did your presence calm her down?"

"It seemed that way," she shrugged. "Julian thinks waking up and seeing him with a tricorder must have evoked some connotations related to her torturers even if she doesn't remember anything. I probably just seemed less of a threat."

"I don't care why, old man," he clarified, "but if she's comfortable with you…" _Careful, Ben._ Orders were still orders."You know that Starfleet ordered me not to investigate this matter so we're not going to. But if you happen to find out anything about who this woman is or where she came from I would be glad to hear all about it."

Jadzia grinned mischievously. "Understood."

¤¤¤

Inside the infirmary Bashir was just receiving a transmission from a female Starfleet officer back on Earth. Besides all the flirting and charming he was engaged in, Dax managed to gather that the cross references he had asked his 'colleague' to conduct hadn't given any result.

"So, who's she?" Dax asked as soon as the screen was empty again.

"Doctor Laros. We were in the same graduation class at Starfleet and met a couple of times at medical conferences."

"You don't say," she insinuated.

"And…I might have taken her out for dinner once or twice," Julian added and she grinned.

"I think she wouldn't mind you if you took her again."

"We'll see." The doctor hit some buttons and turned to pack a hypospray and a couple of other things into a medic bag. "Now, if you'll excuse me, Ensign Peters is pregnant and I need to go up to her quarters and administer her daily shot or she'll have some nasty allergic reactions by tomorrow."

"Allergic reactions?"

"The father is Goridian."

"I see."

"She's asleep right now," Bashir explained with a nod towards the isolation section in the rear of the infirmary, "but you can wake her up. Not too abruptly though, she's still very jumpy."

"Are you sure I should wake her then?"

"Absolutely. It'll be good for her to have some company. Just keep the conversation light."

"Don't I always."

Bashir seemed to think about a comment but in the end just smiled at her before turning around to leave. "I had the nurse hold on to her clothes by the way, "he called over his shoulder. "They're in the box on the table behind you. In case you want to snoop."

She thought about denying but saved her breath. Sometimes Julian could be quite deceptive, despite everything.

There wasn't much to snoop around in though. Besides being dirty and worn-out, the stranger's clothes were covered by scorch marks, holes, and tears. She had to guess just to tell the color of the fabric. She couldn't but become more and more curious about what had happened on that ship.

She sighed and was about to put the clothes back inside the box when she noticed something had fallen out of one of the pockets. Reaching out she picked the small, shiny object up. It looked remarkably like a Bajoran ear clip. The chain between the upper and the lower ring seemed a little shorter than usual but other than that she could have sworn it was Bajoran. Only that it made no sense for someone not Bajoran and most likely from the Gamma quadrant to wear one. She was no expert but to Bajorans those clips weren't just pieces of jewellery, she knew that much. They were symbols of their bearers' religious devotion and mostly handcrafted and custom-made. She stared at the silvery metal in her hand. _Why would a non-Bajoran carry such a clip on her?_ Before she could think of an explanation she discovered something else. A small gravure on the lower ring.

¤¤¤

Ke'sh came to and for a moment she had no idea where she was. Panic ripped through her for a second but then she remembered. _You're aboard a space station. You're safe here. _Words that were hard to believe but she just had to look around to know they were true. The computers, the symbols on consoles and screens, everything she saw – it all seemed familiar but yet different. Different enough to make her realize she was not where she was supposed to be.

Another memory flashed her mind but she managed to suppress it before it could drop anchor. She wasn't up to dealing with it right now and it had only been a dream anyway. She didn't have to deal with those; reality was enough.

_You're going to be fine_, the doctor's words echoed in her head. Now, she really wanted to believe that but there was so much that didn't make any sense. She would need all the information she could get about this place and she would need it fast. If she could get to one of the computers…

She tried to sit up but although she was careful not to move too fast instant pain shot through her entire body. _Bad idea. _She waited a few seconds until the pain decreased and finally subsided. She still had to get to that computer though.

Trying once more she clenched her teeth when the pain set in again. No sound left her throat and maybe she would have managed to lift her upper body a little further off the bed this time but suddenly two strong hands softly forced her to lie back down again.

"That's a bad idea."

Something far worse than any physical pain she could think of seemed to hit her as the words, as the voice reached her brain. It couldn't be. _It was a dream_, she reminded herself, _it was just a dream_. This had to be one too. She had to be still asleep or maybe in a coma. Because the voice she heard couldn't be talking to her and the person she was staring at couldn't be leaning over her.

"You shouldn't try to get up," Dax elaborated in a soothing voice. Their patient looked like she had seen a ghost. "Are you in pain?" she asked but didn't get a response. The woman just kept staring at her, her mouth opening as if she wanted to say something but no words coming over her lips. "Do you need anything? Maybe some water?" Finally the woman nodded and Dax turned to get some water form the replicator.

_It's not her, _Ke'sh told herself one more time. Staring at the Trill's back, she put the little time she had bought herself to use. She had to calm down. Lining up the pieces of the puzzle in her mind, she feverishly tried to figure out how they belonged together and what the bigger picture was. If only her head wouldn't hurt this bad.

"Computer, water."

With the glass in her hand Dax returned to the bio bed where she slid one hand under the woman's head to help her drink. There was no way she could have missed the electric shock her touch seemed to send through the stranger's body. "Shh, it's alright," she tried to reassure, once again wondering what had happened to her. _Maybe it's a blessing she doesn't remember._

On the inside, a part of Ke'sh was raging. _Alright? _Nothing was right. How could anything be right with the trill's hand resting on the back of her head when she knew… Nothing was right here.

Eagerly swallowing the cool water she tried to focus. She couldn't make sense of any of this and was lucky she wouldn't have to explain anything. Thanks to the doctor. _Amnesia. _For a moment she wished it was true. But she only had to open her eyes again to know the universe didn't have that kind of mercy.

_I'm safe as long as they don't know. _She just had to wait until she knew a little more and the pieces would start falling into place. And she had to find a way to get rid off the Trill - even when a part of her didn't want her to go away. She hadn't seen her for so long.

"More?" Dax asked when the glass was emptied but the woman shook her head. "Okay," she said, more to herself than anyone else, and put the glass on a nearby tray. Catching sight of a stool she pulled it closer and took a seat. "Is there anything else I can do?" she asked with a slight shrug of her shoulders. "Anything you want to ask or know?"

The woman seemed to think about it for a moment. "Where exactly am I?" she croaked then, her voice still very brittle, her eyes fixed on the sheet that was covering her.

"This is Deep Space Nine, a space station in the Bajoran sector of the Alpha Quadrant," Dax explained. "Does that ring any bells?"

Ke'sh shook her head but heaved a sigh on the inside. At least she knew her exact location now. "What's that uniform?"

"I'm a Starfleet officer," the trill explained. "The station is Bajoran but Bajor has asked the Federation to assist in the reconstruction process so there's an official Starfleet presence here."

_The Federation_. _Starfleet._ All the way out here. She knew she had to ask a lot more questions but she could hardly bring herself to speak to the Trill, not to mention look at her.

"Kira to Dax," Kira's voice came through the com badge and Jadzia got up. "I'll be right back," she excused herself and waited until she had left the rear part of the infirmary before she answered.

"Go ahead."

"I contacted the central register on Bajor," Kira reported, "but there are no records of anyone with the name you gave me, neither as a first name nor as a family name."

Dax frowned. "Does that mean there is no one by that name or is it possible that person simply isn't in your register?"

"That register was originally kept by the Cardassians during the occupation," Kira explained, the tone of her voice not hiding her disgust. "If they were anything it was being thorough. I have never heard of anyone who wasn't in that register."

For a moment Dax felt tempted to ask why Bajor was keeping the register if it had been a part of the former repression apparatus but decided against it. There was probably a better, more appropriate time and setting for a question like that.

"Are you sure it's a Bajoran ear clip?" KIra's voice snapped her out of her thoughts.

"You can take a look for yourself if you want but I'm pretty sure."

Lying on her bio bed, Ke'sh stared at the Trill who was standing just a little too far away to hear anything. Not that it mattered though, she probably wouldn't have been able to focus anyway. It was amazing. She looked…different somehow but there was no doubt it was Jadzia. A little less…tired maybe. Like she hadn't been forced to stay up on her feet and on the move quite as long, like she hadn't seen quite as much. And looking at her uniform, spotless and shiny from her collar down to her shoes, looking at this room and how clean and comfortable it was she probably hadn't. No wonder she looked a little more innocent, a little younger.

Dax stared at the ear clip in her hand. _Just keep the conversation light_, she remembered Julian's advise. _Thank God, he can't give me orders_, she thought with a smile but quickly turned serious again. Sooner or later someone had to ask her personal questions.

"Dax to Bashir."

"A little busy right now," Julian answered through a lot of noise in the background. "Ensign Peters is in labour."

_I'm sure she is_, Dax thought hearing a woman scream in the background. "Then I'll let you get back to that. How long do you think it's going to be?"

"Well, the baby is Goridian–" Bashir started but was cut off by a woman screaming, undoubtedly no one other than Ensign Peters herself.

"Half-Goridian!"

"Half-Goridian," Julian repeated apologetically, "of course. It could be days-"

"Days?" the Ensign yelled.

"Or maybe just hours."

Dax couldn't but grin. Poor Julian.

"Well, a couple of hours, at least. Why? You need anything?"

"No, that pretty much settled it. Good luck, Julian."

Ke'sh cast her eyes down. She had only seen her profile but she had seen the smile. She knew it too well.

_Come on_, she tried to focus. _It's obvious by now where you are. _All she had to do was to figure out how she had gotten here.

Glancing up she noticed the Trill was approaching her again and she tried to prepare for the encounter. But Jadzia standing so close to her, looking down on her and revealing a sympathetic smile made it hard to mask all those feelings stirring up inside of her.

"You still don't remember anything?" Dax asked, knowing Julian probably wouldn't approve but then again he wasn't here.

_If I remember?_ For a moment Ke'sh was close to losing it. _How about you? _But she managed to get a hold of herself. "Nothing concrete," she shook her head. She knew there was no way Jadzia could remember anything.

Dax hesitated but then held out the ear clip. "I was wondering if you would take a look at this?"

To say there was a reaction in the stranger's face would have been an understatement even if it was only visible for a few seconds. Once she had turned her head and caught sight of the clip her eyes widened and her jaw dropped an inch, and whatever that expression was Dax had seen in her face the first time she had woken up in the infirmary, there it was again. A hesitant hand reached out and Jadzia let the clip slide into her palm. The question whether or not it brought back any memories seemed redundant as she watched shaky fingers run over the metal. She felt like she was intruding on something but then the woman seemed to regain her composure and a moment later her face was almost blank again. Almost...

"Ke'sh," Dax started but didn't complete the sentence. _I'm guessing it's a name? _She had wanted to ask if it sounded in any way familiar or triggered anything but the woman's reaction spoke for itself.

Ke'sh heard the Trill say her name and for a second she feared to loose the last shred of control. Jadzia handing the clip to her and saying her name was just too much.

Dax heard the alarm go off and quickly glanced at the monitor. _Not now_, she winced in her head, not when Julian was tied up delivering a Goridian baby. _Half-Goridian. _Whatever.

Ke'sh heard the alarm as well but didn't feel any different. _Maybe something's wrong with the instruments or maybe there's another- _But she didn't get to finish the thought because the next second she knew the only thing that was not functioning as it was supposed to was she. The good news, though, was that she also knew exactly what was wrong with her.

Dax saw the blood pressure rising another 40 percent and turned to have a look at the patient again. Just a second ago she had been fine considering the circumstances but now she was clearly in distress. Her eyes were flickering from side to side, her chest heaving quickly up and down as she seemed to have trouble breathing. Dax hit her com badge. She knew her basic first aid but with a patient who was only just beginning to recover from such grave injuries that was simply not enough.

"Dax to-" she started but was cut off when the woman's hand suddenly shot up and clasped her forearm.

"Don't."

"I have to get someone," she tried to explain but the woman shook her head.

"No. It'll be fine. Just stay."

Jadzia hesitated. This was irresponsible. Not to mention inexcusable. She had to call someone. Julian, a nurse, someone who knew more about medicine than she did. But something in the woman's eyes, something in the way she looked at her and then, of course, something in the way she was still holding on to her arm, made her hesitate.

Ke'sh took a deep breath. _It's okay. It's alright._ This hadn't happened in a long time. Not since the time she had been stranded in a rescue capsule after a shuttle accident and drifted through space with the most annoying person she'd ever met as her only company. They had shared those few square meters for three days and the first one, she swore, the other woman hadn't stopped talking. She had kept rambling and rambling, on and on about apparently anything that came into her mind. Until Ke'sh had finally had enough and yelled at her to shut up. In the silence that had followed, the panic attack she had felt lurking around the entire time had finally hit her. And it hadn't stopped until her fellow traveller, against her protests, had sat down behind her, against her firm resistance wrapped her arms around her and with a surprising strength held her until she had surrendered. Gently rocking her back and forth then, almost like a baby that was supposed to fall asleep, she had whispered softly in a language Ke'sh had never heard before. That was how she had met Jadzia. Six years ago.

Studying the scanner displays again, Dax saw that the blood pressure had stopped rising and was in fact dropping. Slowly but it was an improvement. She heaved an inner sigh of relief.

Ke'sh blinked the memory away and realized she was still holding the Trill's arm in a tight grip. Turning away she quickly let go.

"Are you alright?"

She nodded. Sure. She was fine.

Dax frowned. She had just proven she was no doctor but if she had to take a guess she'd say it looked a lot like a panic attack.

"Did you remember something?"

"I think so," the woman answered but her body language indicated that she was either uncomfortable or afraid. She obviously didn't want to talk about it.

Dax could understand that and under different circumstances she would accept that, but Benjamin was right. If there was someone out there with ships and weapons that were so superior to those of the Federation and Starfleet then they had to find out as much about it as they could. And with a possible war on their hands, they didn't have much time.

Her gaze fell on the ear clip again the woman was still holding in her hand. "Ke'sh," she repeated what the inscription said but just like before she didn't get any further. It wasn't an alarm going off but the scanner gave an audio signal when it noted the once again increasing heart rate. Not as dramatic an increase as a minute ago but something was definitely going on.

Ke'sh knew she had given herself away. Her body had given her away. There wasn't much sense in trying to deny it now. The question was just, how close to the truth should she keep it? "It is a name," the Trill stated in an affirmative manner, as if answering a question she had asked herself before.

Ke'sh hesitated but noticing Jadzia's eyes were wandering to her right ear she realized she didn't have an alternative. Trying to give a convincing performance she swallowed and turned her head a bit to allow the Trill a good view on her left ear. "I think it's me."


	4. Chapter 4

IV.

_The sound of the cuffs being activated snapped her out of her thoughts and her gaze was drawn to the metallic stick in the officer's hand that had now a blue light circle at each end, energy beams that would surround her wrists in just a moment and thanks to the latest gimmick effectively forestall any resistance. No one had ever escaped these cuffs, not to mention escaped with them. She tried not to give herself away as she drew a deep breath. _

_The soldier aiming at her went down first. Hit by a single but well-aimed disrupter blast his lifeless body toppled to the side. The officer managed to turn around and reach for his weapon before he shared the fate of his subordinate. For an instant she stared at him but then her eyes were drawn to the figure emerging out of the darkness near the cave's entrance. _

_"Jadzia."_

════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════

"I made some discrete but thorough inquiries," Odo explained, "but no one in the entire sector seems to have seen her before, nor does anyone seem to have heard of anyone by the name Ke'sh." Which for him led to one conclusion only: the person in question had never set foot in this sector.

"And I checked with the Bajoran authorities again," Kira supplemented. "Same result. If it is a name, it's not Bajoran."

"Our patient thinks that it's her name," Sisko stated, leaning over the situation table and pondering how to proceed. He had decided to bend the rules a little bit and not exactly go against orders but…well, keep an open mind about the whole situation. It wasn't like any of his senior officers was neglecting other things because of this. "Does she actually remember that it's her name or is it just a conclusion?"

"I think it's more of a conclusion at the moment but judging by the marks on her ear I'd say it's a pretty valid one," Dax explained. "So assuming it's true and it is her clip, couldn't she have gotten it as a gift from a Bajoran friend or someone who was indebted to her?"

Kira shrugged. "It's not exactly a custom but I guess it's possible. There's no law against non-Bajorans wearing ear clips."

"Alright," Sisko nodded, a bit impatient. "So, it is her clip and it is her name. Does that get us anywhere nearer an answer as to where she comes from?"

"Not yet," Dax admitted, "but it's a first step."

_I hope you're right, old man. _

"I agree," the doctor joined in. "Although I disagree with the way my patient was interrogated without me being present," he declared with a glance at Dax, being a little dramatic and self-indulged as he was from time to time, "it is a first step. If she remembers her name, chances are she'll soon remember other things as well."

Sisko noticed Dax raising a brow at Bashir, but the doctor really seemed offended. _I wonder how you'll get out of that one, old man_, he couldn't help but thinkBut right now he had other things to worry about.

"Chief, did you find anything that could help?"

But O'Brien shook his head. "I made a complete long-range and broad-spectrum scan but apparently the ship didn't just explode, it was virtually pulverized. The fragments are so small there's no way we can use them to reconstruct even just parts of the ship or learn anything about it."

"I have a feeling that's not a coincidence," Sisko muttered. "Well, unless I forgot anything or anyone has a suggestion we didn't think of yet?" His question was met by silence. "Dismissed," he announced and went to get back to his office.

"This is really worrying him," Kira remarked when the group had dispersed and Odo could only nod in agreement. As a security officer he could understand the Captain's concern even if he didn't share it on a personal level. His responsibility was the station's inner security. He had learnt that it was best to leave everything outside the station and especially everything that concerned politics to others.

"And are you?" he turned to Kira.

"Worried?" she asked back and he nodded. "I wasn't. But the fact that he is, is what worries me."

Watching the Kira making her way over to the turbo lift, Odo realized he could understand that too. People on the station, Starfleet or Bajoran officers as well as civilians were looking up to Captain Sisko and Odo had observed repeatedly how the Captain's behavior or attitude at times had a direct impact on those surrounding him. If he was strong, they were strong. If he was determined, they were determined. But if he was worried, they got worried too. It was probably a good thing not a lot of people knew about this. The explosion, of course, had been all over the station within seconds, and even the fact that Lt. Commander Dax and the doctor had rescued a survivor who was in the infirmary now and recovering hadn't remained a secret for more than a few hours. But fortunately no one seemed to wonder or ask questions about the origin of the ship or the survivor. Except for him, and he had been discrete.

"Come on, Julian, I wouldn't do that. It was exactly like I told you."

Odo turned around at the sweet intonation in Lt. Commander Dax's voice. He knew that voice.

"Really," the doctor retorted, obviously trying to maintain an air of anger or at least insult. But, of course, he was bound to fail. "You two just started talking and she mentioned an ear clip which you then showed to her causing her to remember that it was hers."

"More or less," the Trill shrugged, her eyes smiling at the doctor who was still struggling with himself. Odo wondered. Didn't he know he didn't stand a chance? "If you don't believe me," she stated innocently, "why don't you ask your patient?" And as easy as that she had the good doctor exactly where she wanted him. She was good, Odo had to give her that. And considering how easily she managed to have the male inhabitants of this station and the surrounding systems wrapped around her little finger he had to be grateful she didn't seem to feel any inclination towards becoming involved in criminal activities.

"Because me questioning my patient about what she talked about with you would be interrogating her," the doctor realized his defeat. "And that would be counterproductive, wouldn't it?" Frustration played over his features but it only lasted a second and was gone completely when the Trill flashed him a smile that seemed to make the good doctor walk on clouds.

Odo shook his head. Over the last four years he had learned quite a lot about humans and their relationships. He knew that…affection for another person could cause even the most rational people to act irrationally. A lesson he had personally learnt under great…pain. But the doctor didn't even seem to be seriously interested in the Lt. Commander. Not seriously enough, at least, to pursue her. And it wasn't just the doctor. Virtually from her first day on the station, Odo had noticed that Lt. Commander Dax could get away with almost anything, at least with the male half of the various species represented on the station and even with some of the females. For a while it had him wondering if it was evidence of a general weakness of the male species or if it was something special about the Lt. Commander.

"Lieutenant. Bredel to Constable Odo," his com badge snapped him out of his thoughts and he immediately shifted his full attention to his duty as Chief of Security.

"Go ahead, Lieutenant."

¤¤¤

"Kira," Dax called out and the Major waited until she had caught up.

"I was on my way to get some lunch. Would you like to join me?"

"I'm sorry, I already got plans," the trill declined. "Mourn's third cousin died last week and he needs someone to cheer him up."

"His third cousin? I thought it was his fourth cousin?"

"Oh no," Jadzia explained, folding her hands behind her back as they walked along the promenade. "His fourth cousin actually just got married to an Eldorian scrap dealer. A very disconcerting liaison for the entire family. I had just gotten him to accept his cousin's choice of partner and now this. Poor Mourn."

Kira knew better than to say anything and settled for shaking her head when Dax wasn't watching.

"So, what was it you wanted to talk to me about?"

"Oh, right," Dax seemed to get back to the point which Kira hoped had nothing to do with Mourn or any of the other…figures the trill chose to spend time with. "I was wondering if it would mean anything if someone was to wear their ear clip on their left ear."

"Their left ear?" Kira frowned. "I guess this is about Doctor Bashir's patient?"

Dax nodded.

"Well, if it was a Bajoran I would say it's probably a way to express disrespect or stage some sort of protest. But since she's not Bajoran, maybe she just didn't know it's supposed to be on her right ear?"

"Possible," Dax admitted, apparently thinking about it for a second before looking up again with a big smile on her face. "I'll let you know which one it was as soon as I find out." The trill turned to leave.

"Oh, Jadzia," Kira called after her. "Did you find some time to read Jola's poems?"

"I'm sorry, Nerys," Dax replied with an apologetic expression, hardly stopping in her tracks though. "I'm already late. Can we talk about this later?"

"Sure," Kira shrugged, "I was just-"

"Great," Dax exclaimed, winking jovially and thus excusing herself before she covered the last few meters and entered Quark's.

Kira sighed and shook her head once again before she proceeded on her own way as well.

¤¤¤

"How was your lunch with Mourn?" Bashir asked when Dax walked into the infirmary about an hour later.

"Good. I think."

The doctor looked up at and saw a frown on Jadzia's forehead. Should he make anything of the fact that she seemed so serious? "Did you…manage to cheer him up?"

"Yes," the trill explained with a thoughtful expression. "But I'm afraid I'm feeling a little depressed now."

Dax shrugged. It was true. It was confusing but she couldn't help it. She felt a little sad.

"Well," Bashir saw an opportunity, "if you're looking for some distraction, I don't have any plans for tonight."

"I'm sorry, Julian, but I ran into Captain Boday on my way here and he asked me out for dinner. I already said yes." She studied Julian's face as she gave him an apologetic look.

_Boday?_ Bashir shook his head. He had accepted the fact that although she liked him he would never get to be with the amazing Jadzia Dax. At least not in any other way than the one he already was, as friends. _But Boday? _"What could cheer you up more than looking at a transparent head while having dinner?" he joked and actually lured a smile out of the Trill despite the way she rolled her eyes at him.

"I'm not going to have this debate again, but I am disappointed. I thought you of all people would be able to accept it as a natural part of the Gallamite physiology."

"Speaking of physiology," Bashir decided to change the subject, at least for now, "Our patient's recovering much faster than I anticipated."

"Our patient?"

"Well, normally the only one who gets to interrogate the patient is the doctor, so…"

Dax grinned. The way he was still offended about that was almost cute.

She followed along as he made his way across the infirmary to the isolation area.

"Her vitals are continuing to stabilize, her EDL readings have normalized, and I can now say with absolute certainty that the amnesia is not caused by any damage to the brain or the cerebral cortex." He came to stand next to the bio bed, a satisfied smile on his face. "I also managed to get her to eat a few spoons of Bolian soup earlier and she's developed quite an appetite for questions about the station and the sector."

Dax glanced at Ke'sh who was awake but apparently not as enthusiastic. "I would have eaten more of your soup and asked less questions," she muttered, "but it tasted awful."

Dax tried to stifle the smirk spreading over her face. She knew how much Julian liked his soup. But apparently he had no intention of letting anyone ruin his optimism.

"I'll try to find you some Gagh tomorrow," he replied, not even sure whether she had been joking or not, and leaned a little closer to Ke'sh. "Now say something nice, the Lt. Commander here needs to be cheered up," he whispered conspiratorially.

Taking a mental note that Ke'sh was still hardly looking at her, Dax prepared to comment but Julian was faster.

"She's having dinner with a man who's cranium is transparent and who's brain is twice as big as everyone else's," he added, ignoring the way Jadzia glared at him for a second before she launched her counter strike.

"Well," she remarked, folding her arms over her chest, "at least I have dinner reservations and not just some Bolian soup and a medical journal waiting for me in my quarters."

He grinned. _Touché. _

"What's Gagh?" Ke'sh interrupted their bickering. It was hard enough to stay calm in the Trill's presence without having to follow this weird conversation. It made her dizzy.

"Something that will make you think twice before commenting on my soup again," Bashir explained while turning to the medical tray at the end of the bed. "It's just routine but I need to check the letathaeum levels around your neo cortex again. They were still a bit off this morning."

"Sure," Ke'sh stated indifferently and Bashir placed a chemical sequence scanner on her left temple. She closed her eyes.

_She's probably exhausted_, Dax thought, knowing Julian was not one to give short answers. If she had really asked as many questions as he had let on it was only understandable that she was tired now. She watched Bashir entering the parameters for the chemical sequence analysis. "Any word from Doctor Laros by the way?" she asked innocently. He looked up immediately.

"Why do you ask?" he wanted to know but instead of an answer just got a for his taste much too self-satisfied smile from her. He turned back to his scanner. "I received a subspace transmission this morning," he admitted after a while. "Apparently, she has a vacation coming up and was wondering if I would like to join her. How did you know?"

The Trill shrugged. "After seven life times you develop a feeling for these things. So what did you tell her?"

"That I would have to check my schedule and ask my commanding officer if I was dispensable."

"Good move," Jadzia mocked, "I bet she was thrilled."

"I didn't put it quite this formal," Bashir added defensively, activating the scan and facing Jadzia again. "But we're not just talking dinner here. It's a week's vacation. It would be just the two of us"

"You're right," Dax declared with a demonstrative nod. "And it's absolutely your decision. I wouldn't want to interfere."

"I appreciate that," Julian sighed.

"I just thought from what I saw she seemed your type and you could really need some vacation."

"So much for not interfering. And what do you mean, my type?"

"Where does she want to go?"

"Risa," he answered confused. "Why? And, my type?"

"Risa," Dax repeated, completely ignoring Julian's question. It was just so much fun messing with him. "Just thinking of the beaches, the room service, the food," she uttered a sound of joy, "I almost feel like taking some vacation myself." Knowing she wouldn't be able to keep a straight face if she had to meet the confused expression on Julian's face she turned to glance at Ke'sh.

The sequence scan was still running but Ke'sh's eyes were wide open now and staring into space. Dax hesitated. "Are you alright?" she asked, instinctively placing a hand on Ke'sh's forearm and once again causing a shudder to run through the woman's body. The reaction shouldn't surprise her anymore.

"Yes," Ke'sh assured, the expression on her face quickly changing. Suddenly she just looked a bit tired again. "I'm fine." Whatever had bothered her a moment ago seemed to be gone now. But for a moment Dax could have sworn the woman had remembered something.

"Well, my scans agree with that," Julian stated. "You're doing fine. We should let you get some rest though." And putting the sequence scanner back on the medical tray he turned to leave. Darting a last glance at Ke'sh, Jadzia followed him.

"She was joking about the soup, right?" Bashir asked and made the Trill laugh once again.

¤¤¤

That night, in her quarters, Jadzia picked up a certain pad once again. She at least wanted to be able to tell Kira she had tried. So she did. Twenty minutes later, though, she decided she was done trying. She put the pad down.

"Computer." She could really use some Klingon opera now. And what better to go along with that than a Black Hole.

She got up and walked over to the replicator, and with the drink in her hand returned to the comfortable couch in the middle of her living room. Leaning back into the cushions she closed her eyes. Was there a better way to end the day? Okay, there was. But under the circumstances this was pretty good.

_It's a week's vacation_, Julian's words suddenly flashed through her mind. _It would be just the two of us. _

Poor Julian. _So handsome and so charming but quite the loner nevertheless._ She wondered why that was. Maybe he just needed some help, a little push. She grinned. She certainly knew what Curzon would do. She doubted Julian would appreciate it though.

Her mind suddenly wandered to the woman in the infirmary. _Our patient's recovering much faster than I anticipated. _There was something about her that bothered Jadzia. _She's developed quite an appetite for questions about the station and the sector._ She just had no idea what it was. It was merely a feeling that something wasn't right.


	5. Chapter 5

V.

_She was taken aback. But quickly getting up on her feet she tried to hide the relief and the slight trembling that ran through her body. "You're supposed to be on your way to Netama Prime." _

_"I thought you could need my help," the trill countered with a sneer on her face and the phaser rifle dangling from her shoulder, being as offhand about the situation as the experience of seven life times would give anyone the ease to be. "Besides," she added, moving closer, "I get bored travelling alone."_

_"For once I guess we're both glad you do," the smaller woman shrugged, closing the remaining distance between them. "How are things out there?" _

_She already knew the answer, of course, and Jadzia shaking her head was enough to confirm it. No one else had made it. _

_"How many?" she asked wearily. It had seemed like an entire army had attacked but it probably hadn't been more than a dozen. _

_Jadzia lowered her eyes for a moment before answering. "Three probes." She hesitated. "One team."_

_"What?" It couldn't be. One team? That meant one commanding officer and two field soldiers. "There were close to thirty people out there. All killed by one team?"_

_"It's the new probes," Jadzia stated the obvious. "They were gone when I got here but from what I can tell from the sensor readings they attacked from three sides." Her gaze travelled towards the cave entrance and what lay beyond it. "They never had a chance."_

════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════

"Are you sure?" Bashir asked one more time, just to make sure.

"Yes."

He studied Ke'sh's face for a moment but then simply nodded. "Okay." It was her body and therefore her decision. And from a medical viewpoint there was no harm in what she asked of him.

"Maybe later," Ke'sh added, not sure whether or not the doctor believed her. But the smile he gave her seemed genuine and understanding.

"Whenever you're ready."

She nodded a _thank you _and he briefly put his hand on hers and as if to demonstrate his support before he turned to get back to his computers. He had mentioned some reports earlier so she assumed he was going to work on them. Which was fine by her. She was definitely feeling a lot better today but she was still very weak. And she had a lot of information to process. Apparently she was not just lucky enough to end up with one of Starfleet's best medical officers but also with one of the chattiest people on the station. Every now and then he got a little carried away but she had still learned a lot. Right now she should probably try to get some rest though. All the information in the universe wouldn't do her any good if she was too exhausted to put it to use.

¤¤¤

"How's she doing?" Dax asked when she stumbled into the infirmary after her shift had ended. She hadn't had time to come by all day and actually the only thing she wanted right now was to go to her quarters and take a long and hot bath. But it would have to wait a little longer.

"Astonishingly well. I've hardly ever seen anyone recovering that quickly," Bashir reported. "If she keeps going like this I can send her home in a few days."

"Excellent," Jadzia nodded. "Then all we have to do is find out where 'home' is."

"No progress then in that matter, I assume."

"Not really. Has she remembered anything?"

Bashir shook his head. "I can't say it surprises me though. Considering her injuries I can only begin to imagine what she must have been through," he sighed and darted a glance towards the isolation section. "No wonder her mind's blocking everything out."

Dax set down on the edge of his desk and followed his gaze. Of course it was understandable. And a part of her felt bad about wanting to push their guest to remember. But she also had a job to do. And most importantly, she knew why it was so crucial for them to find out where Ke'sh was coming from and why she had been on that ship. It still didn't make her feel any better though.

"She doesn't want me to treat her scaring any further," Julian said through the silence. "I wanted to use a dermal regenerator today to remove some more of the scar tissue from her recent as well as her older injuries. But she asked me not to."

Dax frowned. "That's a bit odd. Did she say why?"

She could see Julian taking a deep breath before he answered, his gaze now resting on the monitor showing his sleeping patient. "Not really, but I think I understand her."

Bashir turned to face Jadzia and at the questioning look she gave him he elaborated. "Those scars are the only thing she has that's for sure. As odd as that sounds, but ever since she woke up here, she has no memory, and aside form that ear clip and a name we assume is hers the scars on her body are the only clue as to who she is. The only thing saying something about her identity, about what she's done or what has been done to her. So I can see why she doesn't want me to remove them."

"It would be like taking away the last thing she can hold on to," Dax completed.

"Exactly," Julian nodded. For a moment they just both stared into space but then the doctor noticed Jadzia shaking her head. "What is it?" he asked.

"I just thought…how cruel it must be," she nearly whispered, her voice sounding sad but also a bit angry. "Having been through something so traumatic your mind decides that the only way to go on is to completely shut down your memories. And then your only chance to ever get them back is the marks left by the very thing you're trying to escape." He watched her shaking her head once again. "That's just cruel."

"It is," he agreed, "but it seems her mind has done a good job in protecting her so far. Let's hope it stays that way."

Dax glanced up. "You mean let's hope she doesn't remember anything unless she's ready for it." He nodded and she felt the urge to defend herself. "You know why we have to find out who she is, Julian?"

"Yes," he explained, "but she's my patient. And that means right now my first concern is protecting her and keeping her safe. Starfleet, the Federation, and the possibility of a new power in this or any other quadrant comes second."

She sighed. A luxury she didn't have. She didn't get to choose between priorities and the fact that Benjamin had asked her personally and not just given an order only added to the responsibility she felt. Maybe she should talk to him though. _She's obviously been through enough._ Them finding out about that ship couldn't be more important than this woman's peace, could it?

"You can stay around and wait if you like," Julian snapped her out her thoughts. "I'm sure she'll be glad to see a familiar face when she wakes up. I have to go and check on Ensign Peters and her offspring."

"Right. How is Ensign Peters? How's the baby?"

"Oh, they're both fine," Bashir informed her, reaching for his medical bag. "But I wouldn't advise to ask about the delivery. Or the father. The subject is kind of a sore spot at the moment."

"I will keep that in mind," Dax assured and grinned a little while she watched Julian leave. _The miracle of birth._ She knew all about it, the pain and the pleasure that came from it. She couldn't say she knew how it was to give birth to a Goridian baby though and she was quite certain she never wanted to find out. Considering the sheer seize and shape of Goridian infants she could understand why Ensign Peters would have some temporary regrets during the delivery. She was also certain though that everything would be just fine within a day or two.

She moved to have a seat in Julian's chair. Circling around herself she wondered whether she wanted to have children again some day. Sure, Dax had been both father and mother to several children over the course of seven lives, but Jadzia at times still felt closer to being a child than to being a parent. It would be a big step. One she couldn't see happening any time soon. A lot of other things would have to happen first. _Like finding a potential father to name one. _A lot of things indeed. She enjoyed her freedom far too much to imagine being with just one person for the rest of her, of this host's life. There was so much out there, so many interesting characters and people…wouldn't it be incredibly limiting to just tie herself to one? But both parts of her, the older, wiser one as well as the younger, less experienced one knew that all these apprehensions would be gone within a second once she met the right person. There wouldn't be a doubt on her mind anymore, nor the question itself.

She heard something and spun around. Knowing the rest of the infirmary was empty her eyes automatically wandered to the surveillance screen showing the isolation area. Ke'sh was awake and sitting up.

"I thought we agreed that was a bad idea," Jadzia remarked as soon as she was within earshot, and Ke'sh looked up, obviously not having heard her approach. The expression on her face almost made Dax stagger back. There was so much pain there. Not really sure what to say or do she just made a helpless gesture and slowly moved closer.

"I just had to…move," Ke'sh stated, lowering her gaze and turning her head away as if to hide from her.

"Okay," Dax stated, holding her position a meter or two away from Ke'sh who obviously wanted some space. The least she could do was respecting that. "I guess if you feel good enough to sit up there's no reason why you shouldn't." _Great advice, doctor_, she mocked herself.

Ke'sh ran a hand over her forehead and squeezed her eyes shut for a moment. Was there no one else on that damned station to play her chaperon? Why did the Trill have to be the one to watch over her? Why her of all people? _It doesn't matter_, she tried to calm herself. _Nothing you can do about it so deal with it. _But that, of course, was easier thought than done. Just turning back to face Jadzia again seemed to require more strength than she had. But in the end she managed.

Watching Ke'sh sitting with her head in her hand and obviously in pain, Dax felt a need to do something. She wasn't good at standing by and watching. Still, she stayed where she was and waited until Ke'sh turned back round.

"Should I get Julian?"

"No," Ke'sh shook her head. "It's okay. I'm fine."

"Clearly," the Trill retorted and Ke'sh felt a shudder running down her spine. How often had she heard that tone.

_Unnecessary_, a voice rang out in Jadzia's head and she wondered where that response had come from. "I'm sorry," she apologized, folding her hands behind her back. "If there's anything I can do-"

"I know you want me to tell you things," Ke'sh suddenly declared, in a voice so low and intense it almost caused Jadzia goose bumps. There was clearly anger resonating in it besides the pain Dax had noted earlier. "I'm not stupid. I know you want me to remember. But I can't talk to you."

Realizing what she had just said Ke'sh cursed in her mind. And of course the Trill was looking up now and studying her face, probably wondering how to interpret her words. "I can't tell you what I don't remember," Ke'sh tried to fix her slip, cursing because she had lost control. She had thought she could handle her emotions but clearly she had been wrong. "I can't give you anything that would be of any help to you." That was closer to the truth. And less of a lie. Lying to Jadzia had never been easy. But she couldn't tell her the truth, couldn't tell them where she was coming from and where the ship had come from. She had heard enough from the doctor to figure out that those where the questions everybody needed answers to and she could even understand why. But she couldn't give those answers.

Dax shifted uncomfortably, her guilty conscience afflicting her. "There are certain things we need to know, and when you remember, and when you're ready, we would appreciate if you could answer some of our questions," she admitted. "But it's not our intention to force you or pressure you in any way." She hesitated for a second. "Ad I'm sorry if I did."

Ke'sh avoided looking at her, knowing she probably wouldn't be able to bear it right now. _Just tell her to leave you alone_, a part of her demanded. _Tell her to go away. _But the well-familiar other part that didn't want the trill to leave was stronger. Again. Wondering why she was so self-destructive, Ke'sh stared down into her lap.

"I understand you don't want to talk to me," Jadzia tried to find a solution without doing more damage than she had already done. "But it's obvious you're remembering something and bottling it all up inside won't do any good." She had to be careful but she couldn't just turn around and leave. She had started this and the least she could do now was to see to that Ke'sh got help from somewhere. "I'm sure we can find someone who has no interest at stake in this and-"

"I lost someone, okay?" Ke'sh suddenly exclaimed, just to make her shut up. She couldn't stand to hear the guilt in Jadzia's voice, see how she took the blame so willingly. "Not that I can be sure," she added, realizing that she had set foot on a dangerous path, "but I think I lost someone."

"I'm sorry," Dax finally found her speech again but couldn't think of anything more to say. She felt so awful all she wanted was to leave as quickly as possible. "I'm going to send someone to check in on you in a little while," she said and when there was no reaction went to leave the isolation section.

"Wait," Ke'sh suddenly heard herself say and upon looking up saw the trill stop in her moves and hesitantly turn back around. _What am I doing? _What she had always done in the face of Jadzia: fallen. Fallen in love, fallen helpless, fallen into pieces and fallen without a moment's hesitation because she knew she would be caught and saved. Only she couldn't know that now. _Alright. Just take a long good look at her, say something that will let her sleep tonight, and send her off._ "I'll…I'll just need some time." Seeing Jadzia breathe in relief she knew her little peace offer hadn't gone unnoticed. "I'll answer your questions when I can figure out the answers."

Still with her hands on her back, Jadzia nodded and then turned around once again. She would have to talk to Benjamin. What had she been thinking? She should have argued more, convinced him that they couldn't pressure Ke'sh in this situation. _He would have understood. _They both knew the reasons why he had asked her to find out more about Ke'sh but they also both knew that he was a compassionate man. Of course he would have understood. _You'd think after seven life times I'd figure these things out faster. _


	6. Chapter 6

VI.

_The smaller woman turned away, walked over to the dead officer and bent down to remove the computer from his arm. Its system had shut down and demanded an access code. She tossed it to the trill. "Maybe we can learn something about these new probes. If this is the only team in the area they had to have a way of controlling them." _

_"I'll take a look when we're on the ship." _

_A brief nod was the only response Jadzia got and a concerned look appeared on her face. "Ke'sh," she said softly and squatted down as well. "It's not your fault."_

_"Of course not," Ke'sh replied calmly. "But you told me this was bound to happen." _

_Jadzia nodded. "Yes, I did." But that wasn't the point now. Their eyes still locked, she reached out to run a hand over Ke'sh's forehead, down her temple and along the side of her head all the way to her neck. "But someone will find a way to take them out. Someone always does. And I'll do what I can to help find this one's."_

_"I know you will," Ke'sh whispered, closing her eyes to linger in the trill's touch, if only just for an instant. There was nothing that could make her feel this complete. _

_"I'm really glad I came in time," Jadzia added and when the woman in front of her opened her eyes again there was suddenly such warmth in them she forgot their surroundings, forgot the killing field outside, the dead soldiers next to them, the ship waiting for them to leave this damned planet. For a lack of words, she simply leaned forward and placed a kiss on her lover's mouth. Forehead resting against forehead they stayed like that for a moment, squatting on the ground, holding one another, close to each other. Then Ke'sh got up on her feet again, holding out a hand to pull up Jadzia as well. _

════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════

Of course Sisko had understood. After Dax had told him what had happened he had advised her to simply proceed the way she felt was right. Whether that meant backing off completely or still watching out for their guest, he trusted her to do the right thing. She hoped his faith was justified.

When she stopped by the infirmary the next day Julian told her he had moved Ke'sh out of the isolation and into the general area and that she was responding well to getting in contact with other patients.

"She's not a big talker but otherwise her reaction is completely normal. She seems to have accepted her amnesia and started dealing with it."

"Dealing with it?" Dax asked. "Has she told you about last night?"

"Oh, yes. And it's quite common as well, actually. Patients with traumatic amnesia often start remembering fragments they can't really put together. It's like they know there's something about to resurface but they can't really get a hold of it. It's confusing and frustrating but it's a good sign."

She wondered if Ke'sh had mentioned the details of their conversation but she didn't want to bring it up.

"Physically she's getting stronger every day," Bashir continued. "I'm going to talk to Captain Sisko about it later but I think she's ready to leave the infirmary in a few days."

"That's great," Dax remarked and the doctor smiled. _Yes, it is. _He had done a fine job with this patient. _From critical to released within a couple of days._ Not bad. Not bad at all.

The door to the infirmary opened and a young Lieutenant came limping in. Julian excused himself and went to take care of his newest patient while Jadzia turned to have a peek into the next room.

She discovered Ke'sh lying not too far from a Bolian Starfleet officer with food poisoning and couldn't help but grin. _I wonder if those two will get a chance to discuss soup._ For the moment there didn't seem to be any communication going on though. Ke'sh was lying on her bed and staring into space and judging by the expression on her face she didn't have particularly happy thoughts. Dax sighed. She really wished there was something anyone could do.

She noticed a nurse approaching Ke'sh and putting a hand on her forearm the same moment she addressed her. She couldn't hear what was being said but something else caught her attention. She had expected Ke'sh to flinch or shy away from the nurse's touch, the same way she always did. But there was nothing now. _Julian didn't exaggerate_. She seemed to be dealing a lot better.

_Then let's not jeopardize it_, a voice inside her advised and she was inclined to leave. But exactly that second Ke'sh caught sight of her, and she didn't want to give her the impression that she was avoiding her. Or at least not unless she knew for sure that's what Ke'sh wanted. Silently trying to prepare herself for whatever might come she approached her.

"I wasn't sure whether you'd want to see me," she said truthfully, hoping Ke'sh would appreciate the honesty. _A little late, but better than never. _

"I'm sorry if I…was rude," Ke'sh managed to say, sounding a bit too strained though in her own judgement. "You and the doctor saved my life. I didn't even thank you."

"There's no need to say thank you or sorry," the trill countered but Ke'sh shook her head. She disagreed. She had to disagree. She had lost it last night. Being alone with Jadzia in a moment of weakness she had lost focus and it was sheer luck she hadn't said anything that could endanger her.

"You brought me here," she continued with her performance, although a part of it was genuine. "You treated me, you took care of me. And all you're asking for in return is for me to…" She shrugged. "Remember. I guess that's not too much to ask." Under different circumstances it wouldn't be.

"We don't expect anything in return," Dax was eager to set the record straight. _It would certainly help us but…_ "Just get better and everything else we'll take from there."

"Sounds like a plan."

¤¤¤

A few days later Julian indeed released Ke'sh from the infirmary although under the strict stipulation that she was to come by for a daily check-up and contact him immediately if her condition changed. He had also arranged for her to get some quarters. No one really knew how long she would stay with them but without an idea where to go it seemed like Deep Space Nine was her best option for the moment.

_Not to mention theirs, _Ke'sh thought. She had just taken her first stroll on the promenade without Doctor Bashir as her chaperon. It was almost cute how he was afraid of exposing her to more than she could handle and she couldn't help but think that if she really was a patient with amnesia she couldn't have found a better doctor to take care of her. Fortunately though, she didn't have amnesia.

_Yeah, fortunately._ If only those images would stop flashing her mind every time she closed her eyes. If only she'd stop seeing Jadzia everywhere even when the Trill wasn't around - which she hadn't been quite as often these last few days. However, she felt she was dealing a little better with it. With her. She still did everything she could to avoid close physical proximity but she could bear to look at her, talk to her, and every now and then even forget for a few seconds why that wasn't self-evident. But if things went according to plan she soon wouldn't have to deal at all. So no reason to make herself at home here. She would be gone before people stopped believing into her amnesia, and before a certain trill realized something was going on.

Stepping in front of the bathroom mirror in her new quarters she knew there was one thing though she had to do right now. Something that had waited far too long and couldn't wait another day.

¤¤¤

Bashir tugged at his uniform and straightened up before requesting entrance. He felt a bit uncomfortable. He didn't want to spy on Ke'sh or for her to think he did, but nobody had seen her all day, and infirmary or not, she was still his patient and he had a responsibility.

"Come in."

The door slid aside and he entered, prepared to ask how she was doing. The sight of her standing in the middle of the room, her head shaved, her scars untreated, and the light emphasizing the paleness of her skin made him forget any words that had been on the tip of his tongue.

She had gotten up from the chair by the computer console as soon as he had announced his presence and taking a few quick steps she had moved closer towards the door while answering it. There had been a smile in his face when he had entered and for a moment she had been tempted to smile as well. But seeing his expression change an instant later she remembered. The ritual. Judging by his reaction it wasn't a common procedure here.

"That's…an interesting hairdo," he uttered, trying to conceal his shock. He hadn't thought it possible but she looked even more hurt now, even more fragile and vulnerable. She ran a hand over her almost bare head.

"I had to change something." After searching the computers for hours she was fairly confident that nobody would realize what ritual she had performed and where it came from, but even if there still was a risk, she didn't have a choice whether or not to take it. There was no leeway in this. At least staying in her quarters limited the risk of someone getting the right idea even further, although she hadn't planned on that. She had simply lost track of time while studying the available data on the quadrant, the sector, and the station.

"I just wanted to see how you were doing," the doctor announced when he had recovered from his initial shock.

"I'm good," she gave a brief reply. She just wanted to get rid off him.

"I'm glad to hear that," Julian replied, forcing a smile on his face. Something about this irritated him. And it wasn't just the sight of her bald head. "I was wondering if you need anything?"

"Not that I could think of," she inclined and he nodded.

"Then maybe you want to have something to eat? I could show you some nice places on the promenade if you care for some company," he offered but again Ke'sh declined.

"I'm not hungry," she stated, obviously anticipating his next comment. "But I promise I will eat something later."

"Well," he sighed, realizing that it was his cue to leave, "let me know if there's anything else I can do."

"I will," she assured and he left. Standing outside her quarters in the corridor he tried to determine what it was that bothered him but he couldn't put his finger on it. A bit frustrated he decided to go to Quarks.

¤¤¤

"Julian," he heard Jadzia call for him a few minutes later. Sharing a table with Kira she was waving him over.

"Doctor," the Major nodded a greeting and he did the same before taking a seat.

"You look like you've seen a ghost," Jadzia noticed. "Is anything wrong?"

"No ghost," Bashir explained, "but something…a bit disturbing."

"What is it?" Kira asked.

"Ke'sh," he stated truthfully. "First she asked me not to treat her scars and now she's shaved her head. I'm just not sure if that's a good sign or a bad one."

Kira replied something but Dax didn't listen anymore. Julian's remark had triggered something and even though she still couldn't see the entire picture the pieces started to come together.

"Dax?" Kira repeated the trill's name. She seemed millions of light years away.

"I'm sorry, Nerys. I just remembered I forgot a project in the science lab I wanted to check on. If you'd excuse me," she lied and got up from her chair. "Julian."

Ten minutes later she reached her quarters where she immediately initiated a subspace transmission. Another couple of minutes later she was sitting at her console and staring at the black screen. She would have to wait until Phylos got back to her. Hopefully within a day or two. In the meantime all she could do was wait. _Unless…_ But that wasn't really an option.

¤¤¤

"Boring?" Sisko heard Kira's voice and the disappointment in it. "Jola is one of Bajor's greatest poets and you find him boring?"

"I'm sure he's great and I didn't mean to be disrespectful," Dax assured defensively. "It's just…does he write about anything other than the prophets?"

Sisko grinned. He had had a similar discussion with the Major only he had been a bit more diplomatic.

"Jola was a blind orphan from the Denaba province who was touched by the love of the prophets," Kira explained incredulously.

"Indeed," Sisko supplemented. "They spoke to him in a vision and told him that if they had wanted him not to have a voice they would have taken his tongue and not his eyes. So he left the village he'd spent his entire life in and travelled all of Bajor to raise his voice and speak of the love of the prophets."

"A very impressive biography," Dax agreed, "but I can't help finding his poems…just a little dull."

"Dull?" Kira raised her voice and Sisko held his breathe in anticipation. The com signal however averted the imminent dispute.

"Lt. Commander Dax. You have an incoming transmission."

Turning back to her console Jadzia checked the origin of the transmission. _Risa. _She frowned.

"What is it, old man?" Sisko asked while Kira was still standing across the main console, not sure whether they would get to continue their debate about Joral or not.

"It's an old friend," she explained hesitant. "Could I use your office?"

Understanding that it had to be a personal matter, Sisko nodded. "Go ahead."

"Thank you, Benjamin."

With a smile Dax walked past the Captain and disappeared into his office. When the doors had closed behind her she sat down at his desk and opened the channel.

"Phylos."

"Dax," the Risian replied with a warm smile. His father had been a friend of Curzon. "I now have some answers for you."

Taking a deep breath, Jadzia prepared herself for whatever it was Phylos was about to tell her. A part of her of course hoped that she had been right, but there was also still this feeling that she couldn't shake and that had bothered her the entire time. A feeling that there was something not right. That she wouldn't like what she'd find. And that it would have been better for all of them if that ship had never come through the worm hole. She couldn't explain it and she couldn't get to the bottom of it, but it was as if she could sense something dark and imminent that had arrived with that ship and even though the ship was gone something else was still there. Sometimes she thought it was just the fear of another one or more ships coming, the fear of suddenly facing another superior and ruthless enemy. Because whoever had been on board and wherever they had come from, considering what had been done to Ke'sh she didn't think she would want to meet them.

¤¤¤

Standing at the situation table Sisko glanced towards his office. He wondered whom Dax was talking to. _An old friend. _Not a very helpful hint considering the long list of possibilities even if you only counted Curzon's and Jadzia's friends. Those of previous hosts probably weren't alive anymore unless they were joined trills themselves. He realized he hadn't met a lot of other trills. Both Curzon and Jadzia seemed to avoid their kind as much as they could. _But they must have friends at home. _Jadzia had mentioned once that she wasn't very social before she became joined and rather shy as a young girl, but still there had to be some people she considered friends. He would ask her some time.

On cue the doors to his office opened.

"Everything alright, old man?"

"Yes," the trill answered as she came walking towards him but he could see something was bothering her.

"Are you sure?"

Jadzia hesitated. The right thing to do was to tell Benjamin. In fact there was no good or any reason not to tell him. But she didn't. _Not yet. _

"I will tell you all about it later, Benjamin. But there's something I need to do first."

"Alright," Benjamin replied, always the good friend. She hesitated, feeling like she was deceiving him. But only for a second. She just had to do this alone first.

"Asking for permission to leave my post," she requested and saw how Sisko suppressed a smile at her formality. He didn't succeed though, his eyes giving him away, as usually.

"Permission granted. Dismissed, old man."

She quickly moved past him and got into the turbo lift. Watching her disappearing towards one of the lower decks in the habitat Sisko wondered what that transmission had been about. He'd really love to know. But if Dax wanted to tell him later, she'd tell him later.


	7. Chapter 7

VII.

_They left the cave and stepped out into the daylight, reality taking a hold of them again at the sight of all the dead bodies. _

_"I'll go get the ship ready," Jadzia announced, knowing what Ke'sh had to do before they could leave and knowing she'd probably rather do it alone. Searching a dead body for a data chip was horrible enough even if you weren't forced to make it past a stack of other corpses first. Offering some sort of silent comfort she squeezed Ke'sh's hand before turning to make her way back to the ship. She had landed in a little valley nearby, in fact right behind the hill ahead of her, and then moved in on foot to take out the second field soldier, the third member of the assault team. She was only a few meters away from the tree line now. _

_"Jadzia."_

_She turned around again but kept walking, backwards now, amused because she knew Ke'sh too well not to know what was to come. Better late than never. She sent a challenging look her way. _

_"I'm glad you came back too."_

_A smile spread across Jadzia's face as the same warm feeling once again ran through every fibre of her body. I bet you are, she thought. Sometimes life was just so easy to embrace. _

════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════

In her quarters, Ke'sh was working with the computer again. There were still some things she hadn't figured out yet, a lot of things, actually, but she felt that the sooner she got off this station the better. It didn't even really matter where she went as long as it was somewhere she could be sure no one would recognize her or feel a compelling need to investigate where she was coming from. Just a few more days and she would be strong enough to be on her way.

The by now familiar signal announced someone was just outside her quarters and Ke'sh quickly shut everything down and deleted the log showing which files and programs she had been accessing.

"Come in."

She turned around to face the door and held her breath for a second when she saw it was Jadzia. She had seen less of her these past few days.

Taking one step into the room the Trill stared at her head, suddenly making her remember that there was nothing there anymore and why there wasn't. _If only you knew_, she thought but then came to her senses again. If she knew everything would change.

Realizing she was staring and being caught doing so, Dax revealed a slightly embarrassed smile. "I heard about your new haircut."

Ke'sh ran a hand over her bald skull. "It turned out a little shorter than I had intended."

"It looks fine," Dax shrugged. Suddenly she was very calm. A part of her wanted to be just a little angry because she had been lied to, but looking at Ke'sh and seeing how weak and wounded she still was made that nearly impossible.

Taking another step she let her gaze wander around the room and noticed a few items scattered on the couch and the table. "I see you've made yourself at home."

"A little bit," Ke'sh replied, trying to sound casual. "As good as I can considering the circumstances. It's hard to make something personal when you don't really have a personality. At least, I don't remember mine." The words just came to her without any effort, without having to think about it. Lying had always come natural except for lying to Jadzia. But since this was different anyhow…

"Yeah," Dax muttered, folding her hands behind her back. "About that." She had been sure since she had come in and Ke'sh had said her first sentence. But she wanted to hear it from her herself. "I think we may know where you come from."

Ke'sh acted surprised. Surprised and a little afraid. Probably the reaction that would be expected of her. She stared at the Trill, trying to focus on what she was supposed to act like in order to keep herself from having other, far more disturbing and distracting thoughts.

"Where?"

Jadzia walked over to the computer to pull up the file Phylos had sent her. "I just talked to an old friend of mine," she explained while working the console. "He made some inquiries based on a description and a scanner image we provided him with." The file appeared in the display. "Someone recognized you."

She turned to look at Ke'sh and found her staring at the file, surprise, fear and excitement playing over her face. And for a moment Dax was tempted to reconsider. But she knew it had to be an act. A damn good one, though. She took a step back.

Ke'sh moved closer and recognized the image of herself. The hair was longer, a little more weight, a smile much too genuine and lively to be hers, but other than that it was her.

"Your name is Jentala, you're 31, and you were born on Risa."

She cursed in her mind whilst trying hard not to let her real emotions show on her face. This was what she had been afraid of from the moment she had understood her situation. But there had never been anything she could have done about it.

"Do I…have family?"

Dax studied Ke'sh's profile as the Risian was still staring at the display showing an image of her. Her expression, the tone of her voice… Any professional actress would seem like an amateur next to her.

"You're an orphan but you're married," she stated, and Ke'sh turned to face her. "There's only one problem," she added. "According to your husband, you died. Three years ago."

Ke'sh realized it was over. The expression in the Trill's eyes, the tone of her voice… _She knows. _

"Died?" she kept her act up nevertheless, if only to have a little more time. "But…I'm obviously alive. I can't be her then."

"It would seem that way," Jadzia remarked with a glare. She didn't feel like playing games any longer. "I'm curious though what would happen if we compared her DNA to yours. Especially since Jentala's husband told me that his wife was only part-Risian. Half of her genetic code has always been a bit of a mystery. Apparently her parents used to travel a lot."

Ke'sh lowered her gaze and then turned away. _Time to surrender._ "I guess it wouldn't be hard to get a sample."

"Probably not."

Dax watched how Ke'sh took a few steps to stand by a sideboard at the wall, apparently to lean on it for some support. "It was the haircut, wasn't it?" she asked but didn't wait for an answer. "From what I read in your computers I was sure the ritual wouldn't have survived here."

"It hasn't," Dax replied. "There are only a handful of people still performing it. I used to know one of them." She still remembered how Phylos had lost his son and how Curzon had helped his friend to perform an ancient Risian mourning ritual. The shaving of the head was part of it. "Unfortunately for you my friend knows a lot of people on Risa. It only took him a day to find your husband. Or should I say Jentala's husband."

Ke'sh nodded. It was over then. _Time for a back-up plan_.

"It still didn't make sense because if you were from Risa Julian would have known," the Trill continued behind her. "But once I spoke to Jentala's husband it all started to add up."

Dax waited for a reaction but when there was none proceeded. "At first I thought you were travelling in time. But it would have to be forward since you've been dead for the last six months and from what I've seen that ship you were on didn't come from the past. At least not any past I've lived to see. So I'm guessing you're from a different timeline altogether. A parallel universe."

There was a long silence before Ke'sh finally spoke. "Assuming that you're right," she stated, still not turning around to face Jadzia. "Assuming I come from a parallel universe. What would happen now that you know?"

Dax frowned, her irritation suddenly gone at the defeated tone in Ke'sh's voice. _She may have lied but she's still a victim_. "Well, the timelines can't continue to be compromised," she stated neutrally.

"You'd sent me back."

"Assuming we find a way to do so, yes."

Ke'sh cursed in her mind, fighting the urge to jump into action right away. There was a better way to do this. "And nothing else?" she asked sceptically.

"No," Dax shrugged, "What else would there…" She hesitated at the realization. "Is that it?" she asked then, still communicating with Ke'sh's back. "Is that why you lied about not remembering anything? Because you're afraid we would force you to give up information about your timeline?"

Ke'sh turned around. "You have to admit you seemed awfully interested in…" But she didn't finish the sentence. Instead she put a hand to her forehead and closed her eyes for a moment while her other hand reached for the edge of the sideboard again.

"Are you alright?" Dax asked.

"Just a little dizzy," Ke'sh muttered, making her way over to the couch on somewhat unstable legs. "It'll be fine in a moment."

"Sure I shouldn't call the doctor?" With Ensign Peters' half-Goridian baby delivered Julian should be available this time.

"I think I had enough of your sickbay. Maybe, if you could just get me some water."

Dax nodded and walked into the next room to replicate a glass of water. She could understand Ke'sh had no desire to return to the infirmary. Lying around there all day couldn't be much fun.

Ke'sh waited until the Trill had left the room before she got up again. With a few swift steps she had reached the desk and opened the drawer. She hadn't wanted to get a weapon for fear of triggering an alarm or getting caught with it but fortunately she had changed her mind. She wasn't sure what she would be doing right now otherwise.

"What I still don't understand is why you-" Dax started as she re-entered the living area but fell silent when she found the couch empty. Sensing something to her left she turned around, only to see Ke'sh aiming a little device at her. She didn't seem to feel that dizzy anymore.

"It's not a Starfleet phaser but it can do some damage," Ke'sh warned the Trill who simply stared at her for a few moments before she seemed to regain her composure. There was a hint of anger in her expression though.

"How did you get a weapon?"

"The replicator," Ke'sh explained, motioning towards the machine in the next room. "I realize you can't replicate phasers or disruptors without hurting security protocols and trigger alarms but you'd be surprised how easily you can get the basic components of a modest but efficient weapon if you modify some otherwise harmless instruments and put them together."

"I'm sure I'd be fascinated," Dax resorted to sarcasm. She hadn't thought anything of it but it seemed to stir something in her adversary who stared at her for a long moment before slowly coming closer, the makeshift weapon still aimed at her. How could she have been so careless? She should never have confronted Ke'sh alone. But she truly hadn't seen this coming, hadn't thought their guest posed a threat, not even after things had started to add up. Apparently 300 years and seven lifetimes weren't enough to keep her from misjudging people.

"I don't want to hurt anyone and I certainly don't want to use this, but I will if I have to."

Realizing it was her communicator Ke'sh was going for Dax remained still when the badge was removed from her uniform. "Then what do you want?" she asked, angry because she had misjudged the situation so gravely, and even if she didn't want to admit it, because she would have to explain this to Benjamin.

"I need to get off this station," Ke'sh stated truthfully, a little angry herself, and not even because her plans had been foiled but because it had to be Jadzia who was foiling them. _Of course. _It couldn't be anybody else forcing her to point her phaser at them.

"Why?" the Trill asked, her curiosity seemingly genuine.

"I thought that's rather obvious. You just pointed it out."

"I told you, nobody's going to force you to give us any information. We respect the integrity of time." She seemed to hesitate for a moment. "Nobody's going to torture you."

Ke'sh laughed cynically. "Trust me that's not what I'm worried about. I don't think there's anything you could do to me that hasn't already been done. Besides, I believe you."

"Then why-"

"I need to get off this station, now," Ke'sh repeated insistently. She didn't have time for debates. The Trill could already have told others or they could have come to the same conclusions she had and find out for themselves. "If you help me, no one will get hurt."

Dax gritted her teeth. There was no doubt about what she would do but she hated the situation she had put herself in.

"We don't have time," Ke'sh urged her. "What's it gonna be?"

Dax struggled for another moment however before answering. "Your best chance is to take a runabout."

"Can we transport there directly? Without anyone noticing?"

"No," Dax stated truthfully. "I'm afraid we have to get there the old-fashioned way."

Again that cynical smile on Ke'sh's face. "What's the shortest way?"

"Over the promenade and then the turbo lift to the shuttle bay."

Ke'sh cursed. The promenade. _Perfect._ "Sure. Why not stop by at Ops while we're at it. There has to be another way."

"There is," Dax agreed calmly. "But I doubt you're in the condition to climb down all 42 decks through Jefferies Tubes and maintenance corridors." She suddenly had a feeling Ke'sh wouldn't actually hurt her although she couldn't tell why. Hopefully not her next misjudgement.

Ke'sh pondered her options. The Trill was right. She wasn't sure how many decks and levels exactly they would have to climb down but it would be too many. She wasn't strong enough. Maybe she had to take the risk of a site-to-site transport after all. If she was fast enough… _Oh, whom am I kidding? _It would take them a second to locate the destination of the transport and another one to shut down the shuttle bay. She would be trapped.

"Alright," she declared, "the promenade it is." She wanted to go on and remind the Trill that she better didn't get any ideas because she wouldn't hesitate to shoot if she had to. But looking into Jadzia's eyes and suddenly being all too aware of the phaser weapon she was aiming at her, her mind was blank for a moment.

"Just don't forget I'm armed," she finally uttered.

But Dax had noticed the look in Ke'sh's eyes and it only confirmed the intuition or feeling she had had before. "I don't think you'll shoot me," she said, calmly putting the glass of water she had still been holding on to on a table and folding her hands on her back as she straightened up again.

Ke'sh stared at her, then glared, but didn't even try to deny it. "Maybe not," she admitted, moving backwards towards the door. "But there are a lot of people on this station."

Dax considered taking Ke'sh down right there and then. She should at least try to stop her before they left her quarters. But she dismissed the idea very quickly. She just couldn't get herself to attack someone who'd been through what she knew Ke'sh had been through. How ever unfounded her fears were, she was only trying to protect herself. She didn't want to hurt anyone. _Maybe I can still convince her that this is unnecessary. _

"I promise not to do anything to stop you, if you give me your word that you won't hurt anyone."

"No sabotage, no secret attempts to communicate or alert anyone?"

She shook her head. "No."

Ke'sh nodded. "Good enough. I'll need your help to clear the station but as soon as I'm safely away you're free to go," Ke'sh stated, letting the makeshift phaser disappear in her clothing and taking another step backwards. The door opened and she stepped out into the corridor, motioning for Jadzia to follow.

¤¤¤

"What's taking so long?"

Dax quickly worked the operating panel. "I need to circumvent security protocols if I don't want to set off an alarm as soon as this air lock opens."

"How long?"

"Just a minute," she mumbled, realizing she could trigger a silent alarm now or even tap into the security system and erect a force field around this section. It would be just the two of them locked in, nobody else in danger, and she still didn't think Ke'sh would hurt her. But for some reason she didn't trigger an alarm, didn't warn Ops, didn't tap into security.

Ke'sh wiped the sweat of her forehead. The way hadn't been that long – why did she feel so exhausted? But she could rest soon. Only a few more minutes.

"Got it," the Trill announced and a second later the heavy red gear wheels rolled to the side, revealing the last few meters of the escape route. Ke'sh motioned for her hostage to go first and followed after taking a last look around to make sure no one had seen them. Midways through the air lock, though, she suddenly tumbled and had to lean against the sidewall not to loose her balance.

Sensing Ke'sh wasn't behind her anymore, Jadzia stopped and looked back. "Feeling dizzy again?" she remarked sarcastically but then noticed the sweaty forehead and the paleness of Ke'sh's face.

"I think this time it's for real," Ke'sh replied when her sight started to get blurry. She could hear the blood pulsing through her veins.

Dax hesitated but then moved. With two swift steps she had reached Ke'sh and put her arm around her waist to support her. It caused the by now familiar reaction. Ke'sh flinched and jerked back as if she had touched an open plasma relay. "Come on," Dax urged and after another rmoment of resistance Ke'sh gave in and they were on their way again. Once inside the shuttle Jadzia let her weakened kidnapper slide into one of the piloting chairs.

"Are you sure you want to go through with this?" she asked. "You don't look too good and considering you're still recovering from multiple injuries-"

"I'm fine," came the stubborn answer.

"Sure." Why did she even bother.

"Just show me how to get all systems online," Ke'sh demanded, trying to sit up straight. "Then leave."

"You don't know how to fly this thing," Dax concluded with a sigh.

"I'll catch on while I'm on my way. I'm a quick study."

Thinking back to her own abilities to adapt to the strange ship's systems after only a few minutes, Dax was sure that Ke'sh wouldn't have any trouble to figure out the runabout under normal circumstances. But looking at her right now…

"You'll be quick to lose consciousness," she argued. "This is unnecessary. Let me beam you to the infirmary. No one needs to know about-"

"Your concern is touching," Ke'sh countered, her voice cold and meant to warn the Trill. "But I don't need it." She raised her phaser. "Now get this thing online and release the docking clams and I'll be on my way."

"Or what?" Dax retorted, angry because this was silly and she was out of patience. "You're gonna shoot me?"

"If I have to!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

For a moment they glared at each other, both angry at the other one's stubbornness. Finally Jadzia dropped into the second pilot seat and started working the console in front of her. Shortly after, the shuttle started moving.

"What are you doing?"

"Getting us out of here."

"Us?"

"Do you want to leave the station or not?"

"I wanted to leave. Alone. I don't need anyone to come after me in some stupid rescue attempt because you're still on board."

"And I don't need to have to explain to my commanding officer how we lost a shuttle because I let someone pilot it who was halfway unconscious and not familiar with the systems. Now if you don't mind I have to get us out here."

Both aware of how ridiculous the situation was they simply glared at each other one more time before leaving each other alone.

¤¤¤

In Ops the alarms finally went off.

"Captain," O'Brien announced, "We have an unauthorized shuttle launch. It's the Rio Grande, two life signs."

"Hail them," Sisko ordered.

"No response."

"Lock onto them with the tractor beam."

"Aye, Sir," the Chief confirmed but shook his head when an unmistakable sound came from his console. "Tractor beam has been disabled." He looked up in surprise. "It seems they tapped into our system."

"What? How?"

"I'm not sure, Captain. But they couldn't have done it without the right security codes."

"Can we beam them out, Chief?"

O'Brien's hands flew over his console, pushing buttons with the elegance of a pianist. But again the unmistakable audio signal heralded bad news.

"Negative, Sir. The transporter signal is being scrambled. I can't get a lock on them."

Sisko slammed his fist on the nearest table and clenched his teeth. The only option left was opening fire but without knowing who was on the runabout that was out of the question.

"They're going into warp," O'Brien reported, looking up from his console and watching as the shuttle disappeared into space. "They're gone, Sir."

Sisko seemed like a volcano seconds short of an eruption. Taking a deep breath he tried to calm down. "Are you sure they didn't just bypass the system?"

"Positive, Sir. They definitely entered the correct codes."

"And those are only known to the senior staff," Sisko complemented. But which of his senior officers would steal one of the runabouts and leave the station without permission? Suddenly a premonition overcame him whose origin he couldn't identify.

"Computer, locate Lt. Commander Dax."

"Lt. Commander Dax is not on board the station."

Sisko and O'Brien exchanged a brief look, then the Captain hit his com badge. "Constable," he barked.

"Go ahead, Captain."

"Lt. Commander Dax just stole a runabout and left the station without authorization. I want you to find out who was on board with her and if she accompanied that person voluntarily. Retrace every single step Dax has made today and report to me as soon as you got something. I'll be in my office."

"Understood, Captain."

With a last angry glare at the screen Sisko turned around and disappeared into his office. Taking a deep breath O'Brien glanced to the screen as well, a worried expression on his face. He just hoped Dax was alright.

¤¤¤

"So how did I die?"

Sitting at one of the side consoles in the rear of the shuttle, Dax swung her chair around. Neither of them had said a word since they had left the station but she had thought about it the entire time and now her curiosity had finally gotten the better of her. Ke'sh hadnt moved and was still sitting with her back to her, but it was obvious every muscle in her body had tensed at Jadzia's words. Other than that there was no response though.

_But no denial either_, Dax noted. So she really was dead in that other timeline. She sighed. She had thought that much. Choosing her next words very carefully she tried to find any hint as to how Ke'sh was reacting to her words.

"You said you lost someone, you performed an ancient mourning ritual, and you've been reacting very strongly from the moment you first saw me." She didn't want to aggravate the situation but maybe she still had a chance to convince Ke'sh to return to Deep Space Nine with her. If she understood what had happened. "You could barely look at me, much less be in close proximity, and I guess my presence added to your stress levels." If she was right, she could only begin to imagine how it must have felt like for Ke'sh. "How close were we?"

Ke'sh spun around, anger clouding her senses. "We? We weren't anything." How dare her… "We have never met until a few days ago."

The Trill cast her eyes down for a moment, a compassionate or rather pitiful expression forming on her face. "Of course," she stated then with a slight bow of her head. Ke'sh could sense the apology under way.

"Since you've been so observant," she pre-empted, "you might also remember that I said that I don't want to talk to you."

"Actually you said you needed time."

"Then I guess I still do," Ke'sh grumbled aggressively. "This conversation is over." She turned back to her console. "I think I can handle this shuttle on my own now. As soon as I detect another vessel you'll transport off board and let them take you back to your station."

She didn't hear any protest and glancing over her shoulder she saw Jadzia had turned back to her console as well. They were sitting back to back again.

Dax checked the sensor readings. _That went well. _She would have to do better next time. There had to be a way to make Ke'sh talk to her and she had to find it fast. There were no other vessels within sensor range yet but that could change any minute.


	8. Chapter 8

VIII.

_Ke'sh could tell that Jadzia had one of her wisecrack remarks on the tip of her tongue, but the words never left the trill's mouth. Instead her features suddenly contorted, her eyes widening and staring in disbelief as her body tremored under the impact of the phaser fire that hit her repeatedly. Short but high-powered and punctual discharges that seemed to perforate her body in a thousand places. _

_Ke'sh screamed and reached out in a futile gesture, then found herself on the ground without knowing how she got there. But it didn't matter. Her right arm still stretched out in front of her she followed it with her eyes, discovering Jadzia lying on the ground as well now, at the same spot she had been standing only an instant ago with a smile on her face and peace all around her. Her body still in tremors the trill's head hopped up and down for a while before it finally rolled to the side and allowed their eyes to find each other again. Parts of them both understood instantly. _

════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════

Sisko was pacing. Bashir couldn't remember having seen him do that before. Standing next to the situation table and watching the Captain he felt a bit like pacing himself. If only nothing happened to Jadzia…

The arrival of the turbo lift snapped him out of his thoughts and a moment later Kira and Odo entered Ops.

"Constable," Sisko barked. "Report."

"After being relieved, the Lt. Commander paid a visit to our 'guest' in her quarters. Several witnesses saw them leave the habitat ring together and proceed to the promenade. From there they took a turbo lift to the shuttle bay where Lt. Commander Dax tampered with a control panel to get access to the Rio Grande and disable the station's tractor beam."

"Any signs that our 'guest' forced her to do so?"

"At least not according to the witnesses," Odo stated in his usual, professional manner. "Nobody saw a weapon." To be honest he couldn't imagine the Lt. Commander had acted without a legitimate or proper reason, but he couldn't let his sentiment influence his investigation.

"That doesn't mean anything," Kira cut in. "If I wanted to escape from the station I certainly wouldn't walk around pointing a phaser at anyone either. It would only draw attention to me and by the time I reached the shuttle bay a security team would be waiting for me."

"Point taken, Major," Sisko announced.

"I think we all agree Dax wouldn't have done this unless she'd been threatened," Bashir took a stand for the trill. He just couldn't see why Ke'sh would arm herself and take a hostage.

Sisko seemed to have similar thoughts. "Any idea why your patient would be so keen on leaving us?"

"None. Apart from the memory loss and despite a considerable trauma she seemed psychologically stable and recovering well from her physical injuries."

For a moment it was silent as each of them seemed to ponder the situation.

"Do we know anything about the transmission Dax received before she left Ops?" Kira asked.

"I've tracked down its origin," Sisko replied. "Apparently Dax was contacted by an old friend from Risa."

"Risa?" Julian repeated, hearing a bell ring somewhere in the far back of his mind.

"A man named Phylos. I haven't been able to speak to him yet but I have every intention to. It seems he was an old friend of Curzon Dax. I hope he can shed some light on this."

"One of my security teams is still searching our guest's quarters," Odo took over again, "and I'm questioning anyone she could have approached in order to obtain a weapon. I'll inform you about any progress."

Sisko nodded before turning to Kira. "Major, I want you to check all incoming and outgoing transmissions from the last three days she could have accessed. With any luck she contacted someone wherever she's planning on going."

"Aye, Sir."

"Mr. O'Brien, I want you to contact any vessel in the sector and let them know we're looking for one of our runabouts. Ask them to inform us if they detect or encounter it but tell them not to interfere. If there is a hostage situation we don't want to exacerbate it."

"If?" Bashir exclaimed. What did Sisko mean, _if_? How else could it be?

"Doctor," Sisko turned to his first medical officer, understanding his agitation. "I want you to review all the data on your patient one more time. Maybe you overlooked something you didn't think was relevant. If we want to help Dax it would be good to know who we're dealing with."

"Understood."

"Let's get to it," Sisko prompted, glancing at each one of them. "Dismissed."

¤¤¤

On board the Rio Grande an audio signal from the sensor array cut through the silence.

"I'm detecting a vessel," Ke'sh announced curtly. "A Bajoran freighter. I'm sure they won't mind giving you a ride home." She reached for the com control to open a channel when her entire console suddenly flickered and then went dark. Looking up and around she could only watch as the ship's systems went offline one by one.

"What's happening?" she exclaimed, and turned around just in time to see the Trill entering a last sequence of commands. "Get away from the console!"

Dax entered the last encryption code and her own console went dark as well. Backing away from it as ordered, she calmly leaned back into her chair while behind her Ke'sh was trying to regain access to the computer. She soon gave up though, and at the sound of a fist slamming onto the fittings and a frustrated swearing Dax slowly swivelled her chair around.

"Reroute the controls back to my console," Ke'sh demanded in a piercing voice, angry because she couldn't believe she had let this happen. Why hadn't she taken any precautions? _I should have confined her or at least kept an eye on her._ She should have seen this coming. Instead she had let herself be lured to trust the Trill wouldn't deceive her, let herself be manipulated by questions about Jadzia's death. Making mistakes like that she didn't deserve any better than to be conned.

"Reactivate the consoles," she repeated warningly, reaching for the phaser she had exchanged for her own makeshift weapon earlier and pointing it at the Trill.

Dax just raised a brow. "Or what?"

Clenching her fist around the phaser, Ke'sh glared at her. "What makes you so sure I won't shoot you? You may look just like her and sound just like her but you aren't. Besides, this fancy Starfleet weapon of yours allows me to fire without necessarily killing you."

"All true," Dax admitted, to her own surprise not the least bit intimidated. "But I still remind you far too much of her and I don't think you'd be able to hurt me. Besides, if you don't regain control of the shuttle we'll be drifting in space, and I can assure you someone will come looking for us. Starfleet doesn't like it when their shuttles get stolen and their officers kidnapped."

Realizing the Trill was right on all counts Ke'sh gritted her teeth but then lowered the phaser. She wouldn't be able to discharge it. And as for the shuttle: they had life support but that was it, and she knew she wouldn't be able to get the other systems online again without the Trill's help. It seemed she had disabled the consoles and secured them with encryption codes Ke'sh knew she had no chance of breaking. "What do you want?" she capitulated, her anger still lending an edge to her voice.

"Talk," Dax replied, an almost pleading expression on her face. "I just want you to talk to me."

"About what?"

"About why you're doing this. I already told you, no one is going to-"

"I don't care about anyone asking questions or preserving the time lines," she was cut off. "I just don't want to go back."

Dax studied Ke'sh's face, the pain in her eyes, the grief deeply embedded in her features. "What happened on that ship?" she asked, letting her own eyes graze over scarred skin and wounded flesh. "Who did this to you and why?"

Ke'sh let her gaze stray, nervously glancing at the dead displays and peering out into the darkness. There could already be ships out there trying to find them.

"Fine," she hissed. "I'll tell you what you want to know but not unless you put a whole lot more of a distance between us and that station of yours." The Trill only hesitated for a second, looking at her as if to estimate how sincere she was. Then she swung her chair around and with a few quick commands released the pilot controls. Staring at her back Ke'sh considered trying to overpower her. She wouldn't need the phaser, wouldn't have to hurt her. And the element of surprise would tip the scales in her favor. But it was a futile thought, of course. She was in no condition to attack anyone.

"Setting a course," Dax announced. "Warp four."

Ke'sh felt the slight thrust as they increased velocity and Jadzia turned back around, looking at her as if to say _I kept my side of the bargain. _

"Things are different in my world," Ke'sh began, turning away and letting her gaze stray aimlessly once again. "There's a war going on. Has been going on for ages."

"Between who?"

"Hard to say. Apparently it started with the Kentani trying to expand their territory. They succeeded for a few centuries but they didn't know when to stop. So eventually other worlds started to fight back, building alliances, retaking systems, occupying planets. Expanding beyond their previous borders themselves, and breaking coalitions to attack each other. There's no one who's not fighting against someone. Those who refused ceased to exist."

Dax swallowed. It wasn't hard to understand why Ke'sh, why anyone wouldn't want to return to that particular timeline.

"There's no Dominion, hardly any Cardassians left, and your Federation," Ke'sh continued, "is a mere shadow of what it must be here. I'm no historian but from what I remember it had its moments before it was forced to shrink back to its original size. I think today it comprises Earth and a few more minor planets in the system."

Dax wondered which powers were dominating the Alpha quadrant then but she wasn't sure she really wanted to know.

"I've checked the station's database," Ke'sh remarked snidely. "Risa as you know it - I've never been to that place. It doesn't exist. The planet I grew up on is the last place anybody would want to be. Its cities are destroyed, its waters poisoned, its inhabitants plagued by diseases. Most of us die during infancy, hardly anyone ever turns older than 40. The non-Risian part of my genetic make-up protected me though." She couldn't but laugh at the irony. "I could live to be a hundred years."

"That non-Risian part," the scientist in Dax inquired curiously, "What species is that?"

Ke'sh revealed a bitter smile. "Kentani," she stated truthfully. "My father was Kentani. After overstretching their empire, his people were defeated and forced to retreat to where they came from. There are only a few colonies left now, in what you would call the Gamma quadrant."

"What do you call it?"

"We don't make these distinctions. That worm hole you cherish like a treasure is only one of many. Where I come from we've used them for centuries. There's nothing special about them."

The scientist in Dax was all ears. More worm holes? _It would explain how a woman on Risa, born long before the Bajoran worm hole had been discovered, got to have DNA components identical with those from a species from the Gamma quadrant._

"I'd say there was something special about your last trip though. Somehow you ended up in a different timeline," she pointed out. "You were passing through the worm hole when it happened, right?"

Ke'sh hesitated. "Why? You want to figure out what went wrong? Maybe find a way how it can be reversed?" She had been suspicious all along. Of course the Trill was only trying to gather information.

Dax shook her head. "I'm a scientist. Of course I want to figure out what went wrong."

"Don't expect me to help you then," Ke'sh hissed. "I have no intention to go back and I won't let you find a way to make me."

Dax sighed. _It's like trying to reason with a Klingon that negotiating is better than fighting. _ "I understand you don't-"

"You understand nothing," Ke'sh cut her off, slamming her fist onto the nearest console. "You died," she screamed before lowering her voice to an awing whisper. "Four months ago, and I've been on board of ships like the one you saw ever since. Being interrogated, being tortured, and then sold on to the next one when they finally believed that there was really nothing I hadn't already told them. You understand? You can't even begin to understand. You sit here in your spotless uniform or in your comfortable quarters on that station, and I'm sure you've had some rough times but excuse me for doubting you've been through anything even remotely close to what I've been through. So don't tell me you understand. Because you don't." Her respiration rapid, her pulse racing, she paused for a moment, glaring at the Trill who finally seemed to have lost her composure. "I'm sorry," she added, her voice dripping with sarcasm, "but I'm afraid I can't afford the luxury to be concerned about the integrity of timelines." Time certainly didn't care about her integrity. Otherwise she wouldn't have been born into that abyss of a universe. "From my perspective," she decided to be perfectly clear, "I escaped hell, and I'm not going back. I rather die here than live there."

¤¤¤

Dax opened her mouth to say something. Surely there had to be a response somewhere inside of her. Something she could reply, object, explain. But in the end she remained silent. She wanted to believe that it was because she had decided to give Ke'sh some breathing space, but the reality was that she couldn't think of anything. There was a feeling that she should protest, defend herself, clarify that no one would want to send anyone back under such circumstances. Reassure that they would find a way to resolve the situation. But no coherent words or even thoughts came to her mind.

Watching the Trill close her mouth and lower her gaze, Ke'sh felt herself calming down. The anger that had been so powerful before seemed to be retreating. It wouldn't vanish completely, she knew that much, it had been with her far too long. It had kept her alive and strong when nothing else had stood by her. Anger and her were good friends. Inseparable, as a matter of fact.

She only realized she had cast her eyes down as well when she sensed a movement, and glancing up she saw the Trill had rotated her chair around once more, her fingers already flying over the console again. A moment later displays and controls all around them came back to live when the primary and secondary systems went back online.

Turning back to her own console Ke'sh caught sight of the sensor readings. _The Bajoran freighter. _It had almost moved out of communications range but she would still be able to reach them. Suddenly she felt so tired.

"Where do you want to go?" Dax asked after a while, penetrating the silence that had settled over the shuttle without looking up. She felt comfortable not making eye contact.

Sitting with her back to the Trill again Ke'sh let her gaze travel to the navigation controls in front of her. She leaned forward and pulled up the starmap she had been tempted to study back at the station, every time she had accessed the computer. _The Kalandra sector. _In the end she had just never found the courage even when she wanted herself to believe it had been for other reasons. _Precautions. _For example. She wished that was true.

With shaky fingers she magnified a particular grid and drew a sharp breath as the planet revealed itself in the graphic animation. There seemed nothing special about it but to her it looked marvellous.

"One of our trips once brought us in close vicinity to Jadzia's home world. So I asked her to show it to me." She felt the dryness in the throat and swallowed. "But she said there was nothing worth looking at."

Dax darted a glance over her shoulder, immediately recognizing the slowly revolving ball that had changed just like her over the course of 300 years but was still her home.

"I guess she was right," Ke'sh continued. "It must have been beautiful once but then the war came."

Dax hesitated but eventually turned around, placing her hands on her knee caps for a moment before shifting them to rest in her lap. She couldn't tell why this, of all things, was making her so uncomfortable.

"We actually fantasized about this. About how, if history had played out differently, the universe would be a different place." Closing her eyes, Ke'sh could almost feel Jadzia's skin against her own, the warm touch of her chest or shoulder under her head, the comfort of her voice whispering close to her ear. "We would lie awake and she would picture what her home world looked like, describe the places she'd take me to." White pain seared through her at the vivid memory. "She even knew where we would set up a place for us. At a beautiful beach, deserted and a bit rough, just like us, but beautiful and home."

Dax shuddered. She wasn't sure what was more unsettling: the thought of a parallel, other self of her suddenly turning so vivid, the notion of guilt or horror at obviously having been so much luckier, or the sudden impulse to rectify something she somehow had a responsibility towards now. Her mind staggered back at the latter. _Responsibility? _How? And what was she supposed to do?

For a long time it was silent as both of them seemed to be lost in memories and thoughts.

"There are beaches on Trill," Dax was the first to speak again then, "And I don't think anybody will be looking for you there."

Ke'sh let her fingers graze the display of the planet they had only imagined up until today. She had never thought she'd actually get to see it. That it could actually exist somewhere. _But I'd be seeing it alone_, she realized and pulled her hand back as if the plasma screen had burnt her. She wished they could have found this sooner. In time. Before… What was it good for now?

Dax saw the renewed pain in Ke'sh's face and wished she had something better to say than that going to Trill was safe. That no one had any reason to suspect she could be heading there, that no one would come after her. That no one would harm her or try to send her back to that gruesome place, that _hell_ in Ke'sh's own words, that she had escaped.

She turned to set a course. "At least we've been heading in the right direction," she shrugged, _trying to lighten the mood_. "You can be there in less than 36 hours at maximum warp. If you drop me off on the next planet I could say-"

"Come with me," Ke'sh cut her off, her voice silent and faint but still of a piercing intensity. "Please."

Dax was taken aback.

"I know you're not her. But…" Turning her head around Ke'sh seemed to look at her now, but the brown eyes never met hers. "Please."

Confused by the unexpected request Dax tried to sort through her different reactions. There were quite a few. A part of her felt obliged to say yes. Another one remembered her obligations as a Starfleet officer. A curious voice wondered in general if it would count as a form of re-association if someone was to get involved with a former lover from an alternative timeline. _Nonsense_, a second voice drowned out the first one, sounding a lot like Lela. _That's not the issue here. _Right. But seeing the pain in Ke'sh's expression she just wanted to say yes. If there was any chance to make her feel better, anything she could do… _Better? Really? _yet another part of her objected. Maybe Curzon. _Helping her to pretend you're still alive will make her feel better? _Definitely Curzon. She'd recognize that smugness anywhere. _I am alive, _Jadzia countered, _and what's so wrong about it? _The absurdity of her inner quarrels started to give her a headache. She usually wasn't that aware of the disputes anymore. _What's wrong about it? _Curzon replied in his best lecturing manner, _There's nothing wrong about leaving reality every now and then to find refuge in a fantasy. But are you sure she would want to leave that refuge again? _

Dax shook her head, pushing her former host to the back of her mind. _Never mind him, _Audrid took his place. _Just listen to your own instinct. _Finally a useful advice. Realizing Ke'sh's eyes were finally on a level with hers Dax nodded. _Okay._ She'd come with her.

¤¤¤

The senior staff was assembled once again to bring each other up to speed on the progress of their investigations. The senior staff minus Dax.

Sisko had started by repeating what he had learnt from his conversation with Phylos.

"I've already asked the doctor to check if his former patient and the deceased woman on Risa could indeed be identical."

"The computer couldn't match my patient's DNA profile to any species in its database before," Bashir explained, getting up and walking to the nearest computer display to pull up the medical file. "But now that I know what I'm looking for, I can isolate the part of the genetic make-up that is Risian." He magnified one of the graphs showing a cluster of genetic components. Then he pointed to a second cluster, displayed in a different color. "I have no idea what the other part is though."

"Excuse me, doctor," Kira interrupted, glancing from Bashir to Sisko. "I thought you said that woman on Risa was dead."

"According to her husband, her doctor, and the authorities she is," Sisko confirmed.

"Then, what are we looking for?"

Bashir pulled up another part of the medical file. "I had the computer draft an image of what Ke'sh or whatever her name is must have looked like prior to any injury." A picture appeared on the screen, showing their former guest without any scars or wounds.

"And I had the authorities on Risa providing us with a picture of Jentala," Sisko continued, stepping next to the doctor and entering a few commands into the console as well. The screen split in half and another picture appeared.

"The woman to the left is obviously in better health," Bashir pointed out, "but if you ignore superficial differences, hair length, weight, and body ornaments…" He pressed a few keys and stepped back.

"They could be twins," Kira was the first to comment.

"Or clones," Odo suggested.

"I'll need a DNA sample to be sure, but both scenarios are possible."

"Thank you, doctor," Sisko dismissed his medical officer and Julian went to retake his seat. "I've already asked for a DNA sample and it's being sent to us as we speak." He stepped behind his own chair at the head of the table. "Constable, anything new in regard to our guest's quarters?"

"There were hardly any personal items," Odo reported, "but we found evidence that the replicator had been used several times. She tried to erase the logs but Chief O'Brien and myself managed to restore them." He glanced across the table and O'Brien cleared his throat.

"She seems to have replicated some tools and technical equipment, nothing against protocols."

"But we found none of those items in her quarters," Odo filled in.

"Any idea what happened to them?" Sisko inquired.

"She seems to have recycled almost all of them," O'Brien explained, "except for a few single components. It didn't make sense at first, but then I heard from Julian that some medical instruments had gone missing after she paid her last visit to the infirmary, and Lieutenant Bredel reported that a phase remodulator had disappeared from his toolbox."

"After carrying out some repairs in the same corridor our guest had her quarters in," Odo supplemented once again.

"I'm no expert," O'Brien continued, "but my guess is she found a way to put all those components together and build some sort of small range phaser weapon. Probably only good for a few charges but a deadly weapon nevertheless."

Bashir leaned back in relief. "So there was a weapon." _Not that there was ever any doubt about it_.

"Yes, doctor," Sisko agreed. "And now we know for sure." He turned to Kira. "Anything in the transmission logs, Major?"

"Nothing," Kira shook her head. "She didn't receive or send any transmission but I tried to check her access logs instead. They've been deleted. I'm trying to restore them and see what she's been looking at."

"Good work, Major. Let the Chief help you with that."

"Aye, Sir," O'Brien replied and Kira nodded to signal the same.

"Dismissed."


	9. Chapter 9

IX.

_No! _

_Panic-stricken Ke'sh tried to get back on her feet but there was something wrong with her. She couldn't move, or at least nothing anywhere below her shoulders. She tried again, then gave up on her legs and tried to crawl forward just by using her arms, but suddenly the phaser fire set in again and she felt the burning pain cutting through her left shoulder and her right forearm. _

_"Don't move," an electronic voice announced matter-of-factly and glancing up Ke'sh saw the single probe hovering above them in the picture-perfect sky. "A field team is on its way." _

_Looking over to Jadzia again she kept trying to get closer to her, but no matter how much she wanted to her body just wouldn't move. _

_"You're being investigated. Stay as you are," the voice over them announced again but Ke'sh didn't hear it, didn't care, screaming as she saw the fear in Jadzia's eyes, watched the tremors dying down, watched as life slowly but inevitably slipped away from the trill's body, their eyes locked until the very end._

════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════

Watching the violet waves rolling in and washing over the sand, Ke'sh felt a longing so strong she thought something within her would have to burst any moment now. It was beautiful.

Dax had stayed a bit behind but felt a deep satisfaction at the sight of the peaceful play of the water as well. She hadn't come here since right after she had been joined and during her last stay on Trill she had been occupied with other matters. _Matters? _She thought she could hear a sigh deep within her. _Joran. _Breathing calmly she waited for the feeling to pass. She had learned to handle him by now. Noticing Ke'sh had taken off her shoes she moved to walk up to her.

The sand felt grainy under Ke'sh's feet but not unpleasant. Like small rocks and stones that had been crushed into pieces and then strewed out, their edges washed soft by the tides. She let her gaze stray over the water, all the way to the horizon where violet and blue seemed to meet each other in a lover's embrace. Wondering what it would like at sunset she could sense Jadzia standing next to her.

"She'la kora."

Dax turned her head at the unfamiliar words but seeing Ke'sh had closed her eyes she didn't want to destroy the moment by asking what they meant.

"That's what Jadzia would have said," Ke'sh took the decision from her, making a small gesture with her hand to motion at the ocean and the beach in front of them. "It's…" She seemed to struggle with the translation as if there was no way to convey the words' meaning correctly. "Depriving."

"Depriving?" Dax repeated with a frown, that didn't sound too positive.

Ke'sh glanced at her, an almost frustrated look on her face. "It's so marvellous, it makes you want to become one with it," she tried again, her eyes wandering towards the horizon again. "It fills every part of you and takes any other feeling or thought away."

"Doesn't sound like a loss," Dax remarked with a sigh.

"No."

For a beat they both got lost in the view.

"It's a good expression," Dax stated truthfully. "What language is it?"

"One that hasn't been spoken in 300 years."

"Let me guess, another civilization wiped out by a war?"

The idea of a smirk played over Ke'sh's face. "Actually they just disappeared. No one really knows what happened to them. Like one day they were just gone."

The scientist in Dax frowned. An entire civilization just disappearing? _Interesting. _"How come you speak their language?"

"I don't. Jadzia picked up a few phrases and words somewhere," Ke'sh explained. "It was a habit of her, collecting things from other cultures and worlds. Like this ear clip." Holding out her hand she revealed the piece of metal with her name engraved. "Bajorans stopped wearing them when they abandoned their faith and their Gods. They are rare souvenirs now."

_I better don't mention that to Kira_, Dax thought amused, picturing Nerys' reaction.

"She would find someone interesting wherever she'd go," Ke'sh continued , "even if it was the least appealing species. She'd take something with her, a few expressions, a gesture, a ritual or custom, a piece of jewellery or clothing, anything that was unique or special."

Dax grinned. "Sounds like she would have made a great Starfleet officer," she stated, and at Ke'sh's confused glance added, "Sounds like she was an explorer."

The comment seemed to make Ke'sh laugh. "I don't think anybody has ever called her that."

Dax wondered what she had meant by that but seeing the grief on Ke'sh's face she didn't ask. The depriving effect of their surroundings had obviously faded. _Not surprising. _It had only been four months since her other self had died and being incarcerated and tortured Ke'sh hadn't really had a chance to grief.

"How did you two meet?" Dax asked. Maybe talking about it wasn't such a bad idea after all.

"In a shuttle accident, six years ago. We happened to share a rescue capsule, got off together three days later, and never parted again."

Realizing Ke'sh was avoiding to look at her, Dax turned her head as well and peered out over the water.

"She had me figured out right away," Ke'sh remembered with a smile. "I got claustrophobic in that capsule so she kept talking for 20 hours straight, distracting me, knowing exactly how to push my buttons." And how she had pushed. She remembered every single argument as if it had been yesterday. "Of course, I told her to leave me alone and when she did I had a panic attack. But she knew how to handle that as well." Once again the memory was so vivid she shuddered at the sensation.

"I guess over the course of seven life times you pick up some skills."

Ke'sh glanced at the Trill standing next to her, her eyes wandering lower to her belly. _Of course. _

"Jadzia was never joined," she explained.

Dax felt her hand moving to her belly in a protective reflex. Not joined? She had just assumed…

"Her parents were. And I think she would have liked it too. But after the invasion…" She hesitated but the Trill gave her a look that prompted her to go on. "All symbionts were killed. Together with their current hosts."

Jadzia felt all seven beings within her screech and a sudden sadness overcame her.

"Why?"

"Who knows," Ke'sh remarked hard-nosed. "Jealousy? Religious mania? Take your pick."

Jadzia felt the symbiont move in her belly and tried to calm him. But Dax was in shock.

"Her parents?" she asked, suddenly feeling a strong urge to see her own mother and father. It had been so long ago.

"They sent her off with a transport when they realized what was going to happen," Ke'sh repeated what Jadzia had told her. _They must have known. _"She never saw them again."

"How old was she?"

"Eleven."

Another wave of sadness came washing over Jadzia at the thought of her other self, all alone, without her parents, without Dax, without the comforting voices and memories of the others.

"There are rumours that some symbionts survived," Ke'sh went on, "but we never tried to find them. It was too dangerous." She could see the sadness in Jadzia's face and hesitated for a moment, but there was something she had to ask. "How does it… What does it do to you? To be joined."

"It changes you," Dax, Jadzia replied truthfully. "It certainly changed me. I have the memories of six other people added to my own. Their knowledge, their feelings, their habits…their devotions. You cannot not change with that. But…I'm still me." She looked into Ke'sh's eyes, wondering if she was making sense. "I am Dax now. But I'm also still Jadzia. Even though we are like one most of the time."

Ke'sh stared at the woman in front of her. _I'm still me_, the words echoed in her mind, and looking into the same blue eyes she had seen almost every day in six years she couldn't but hear something else. _I'm still Jadzia. _Something more. Before she knew it her hand appeared in her field of vision and reached out to touch the familiar face, run its fingertips over longed for skin.

_You're not her_, her own words suddenly came back to her, and she froze, her fingers millimeters away from Jadzia's face. _It's not her_, a pounding voice reminded her, warning her not to indulge in an illusion. But how could it not be her? How could it not be Jadzia when she was looking right at her?

Dax saw the struggle in Ke'sh's face. And realizing what was happening she meant to pull away but Ke'sh beat her to it. Lowering her hand she seemed to have one last, pained, yearning look at her before she turned away. With a few quick steps she brought some distance between them but then stopped abruptly and stood still. Maybe she had realized she had no where to go.

Dax felt awful. This was her fault. She had brought this up, she had thought talking about it would be a good idea. How could she expect Ke'sh not to react like this? Every time she looked at her she had to see the person she had obviously loved more than anything or anyone else. _Told you_, Curzon's voice came to the fore again. _Oh, shut up_, she thought. _The last thing I need right now is you mocking me. So unless you have any suggestions I'd prefer it if you left me alone. _

Ke'sh's breathing was erratic, just like the thoughts running through her head, the feelings tearing her apart. She had lost it. She shouldn't have come here.

"I'm sorry," she uttered when she sensed the Trill moving up behind her, keeping her back turned to her though.

"It's okay," Dax said reassuringly, tempted to place a hand on Ke'sh's shoulder but reconsidering quickly. Physical contact, however well intended, was probably not a good idea right about now.

"I need to be alone for a while," Ke'sh declared. She couldn't… This was just too much for her to… "Please," she emphasized, "I just need some time alone." She couldn't be around her right now.

"Sure," Dax nodded, sad there was nothing more she could do than leaving.

¤¤¤

Dax had beamed up to the Rio Grande and passed some time by logging into the database of one of Trill's biggest universities and search for anything on the Kentani people. Unfortunately, she had been unable to find any mention of them at all. It seemed no joined or unjoined Trill had ever heard of them. She had a suspicion that searching the entire databases of Starfleet and the Federation wouldn't bring a different result.

Rematerializing on the surface now she shielded her eyes against the sun that was standing lower as the day was coming closer to its end. She didn't have to let her gaze travel far to find Ke'sh who was sitting in the sand, close to the water line. Not wanting to startle or sneak up on her, Dax approached her in a bit of a half-circle.

Ke'sh had obviously noticed her but barely looked up when she first stood and then finally sat down beside her. "I wasn't sure you'd be coming back."

"I just didn't know how long you wanted to be left alone," Dax explained with a shrug of her shoulders.

Ke'sh didn't reply right away but after a while turned her head to have a good look at her. "You could have left. You could have contacted someone. I would have if someone had kidnapped me and dragged me close to forty light years away just to listen to them rambling on about-"

"You didn't force me to come along," Dax cut her off. "Remember?"

Ke'sh seemed irritated at that objection. She shook her head. "I shouldn't have dragged you into any of this. It's not your problem."

Dax studied her profile for a moment before looking out over the water. It was obvious Ke'sh was still upset about what had happened earlier. But she could only guess what exactly was eating at her.

"What was your plan?" she asked. "What would you have done if I hadn't found out?"

"I would have left the station as soon as I was fit enough."

"Without taking anybody hostage I assume."

"Probably."

"Well, then," the Trill sighed, "this one's on me."

Ke'sh shook her head. Even if that were true, she should never have asked her to come here. She should have dropped her off anywhere along the way.

"I'm sorry if my being here made this more painful for you. But…"

"But I asked you to," she completed the sentence, rolling her eyes. "Just one more thing I shouldn't have done."

"Then what should you have done?" Jadzia retorted, apparently irritated as well now. "It was hardly your fault I had to go on a rescue mission and bring you to the station."

_True_, a part of her admitted. "No, but I could have handled it better."

"Right," Dax remarked annoyed. "How?"

For a moment they both fell silent. Of course the situation had been impossible on Ke'sh.

"I shouldn't have talked to you, I shouldn't have looked at you, I should have avoided you like the plague."

_Oh, the stubbornness of that statement. _Dax rolled her eyes. _Reasoning with Klingons…_ "Alright," she declared, raising her hands in surrender. "Then let's go. Neither of us can change what happened but it's not too late to go our separate ways now." She turned to get up on her feet but suddenly Ke'sh's hand was clasped around her wrist. Spinning around she saw the frustrated, desperate expression in the other woman's face. "What?"

"I should have," Ke'sh finally stated. "But I couldn't."

The Trill sighed and sat back down, and Ke'sh quickly released her wrist.

"I should have avoided you, I should have dropped you of at first chance, I should have come alone or not at all. But a part of me couldn't." Couldn't lose Jadzia again. No matter how well she knew this wasn't Jadzia. Not the one she knew. Had known. "Being around you, looking at you is killing me. But I don't want you to go either."

_I tried to warn you_, Curzon reared his head but Jadzia pushed him away. _Oh, don't get started with me now. _Bearing with the pain in Ke'sh's eyes looking at her was hard enough.

"The last time I saw you…her..." Ke'sh made a helpless gesture, then turned away. But this time Dax was the one to reach out and put her hand around Ke'sh's arm. _Just as well to go through with it now_, she thought, sure her determination was visible in her face.

"The last time you saw me what?" she asked, ignoring Ke'sh's attempt to shake her hand off. She could be just as stubborn. She had close to 300 years of practice to draw on.

"You were dying," Ke'sh exclaimed, her old companion anger raging through her veins again. "Less than 10 meters away from me, lying on your back, you were looking at me and dying. And I couldn't do a thing." The Trill stared at her in shock. "That's right. I had to watch. I had to watch you lie there in agony, fighting every last breath while you knew there was no hope. I had to watch and all I could do was to shout your name because I couldn't help you, couldn't safe you, couldn't even hold you."

Dax swallowed, finding herself numb except for Curzon's bitter sarcasm. _Could any part of this drama not be a complete tragedy? _But even he sounded awfully reserved and quiet.

"I wish I could say it all happened so fast," Ke'sh added, her arm relaxing in Jadzia's grip now. "You were always a fighter. When they finally dragged me away you had stopped breathing though, and I guess they just left you there. Dead, alone…"

¤¤¤

"And you still have no hard evidence on that ship's alleged superior technology?"

"No," Sisko admitted, leaning over his desk. He was glad he hadn't been sitting when the transmission had come through.

"Then I don't see what has changed since our last talk."

"Admiral," he began his protest but was cut off right away.

"Captain," Necheyev stated condescendingly, "I understand your concern for your abducted officer and you're expected to do everything you can to find her and bring her back. Should you moreover succeed to apprehend her abductor, we are confident that you will see to that the matter will be duly processed. If your investigation turns up anything that requires Starfleet's closer attention rest assured you will have it. But for the moment I can't see any reason to grant your motion for an extension of your jurisdiction."

"I don't want an extension of my jurisdiction," Sisko objected, hardly hiding his annoyance. His hands clasping the edge of his desk he seemed ready to push himself back and twirl around to launch an attack or defend himself against anyone getting too close to him although he was alone in his office. His muscles were tense. "I just want permission to order the Defiant back here and take her to the Gamma quadrant to-"

"Is anything indicating that Lt. Commander Dax is currently in the Gamma Quadrant?"

"No."

"Then you should concentrate your search on the Alpha Quadrant, Captain."

"Yes, Ma'am," Sisko uttered between clenched teeth, realizing it was Necheyev's last word on the matter no matter what he did.

"I expect to hear from you if the situation should change in any way, Captain," the Admiral added, her intonation and the expression on her face not leaving any doubt though that she didn't want to hear from him again until the situation had been resolved.

"I will, Admiral."

The screen switched back to the Starfleet emblem when Necheyev ended the transmission and Sisko straightened up. Taking a deep breath he walked around his desk and left his office.

Kira glanced up at the sound of Sisko coming down the few steps from his office but didn't stop working her console. "You sounded angry," she remarked with a sympathetic look.

"Just very frustrated."

KIra nodded. As the Bajoran liaison officer she had had her fair share of frustrating talks with members of the Provisional Government or other bureaucrats on her home world and she was glad not to be in Sisko's shoes. As Starfleet representative, commanding officer of the station and the Emissary of the prophets he had to report to and please so many people. She wondered how he put up with it so well most of the time.

"So no mission to the Gamma Quadrant," she concluded.

"No," Sisko sighed, trying to let his anger subside and figure out how to play the cards he had been dealt. "Tell Mr. Worf to stay on course and carry on with his assignment."

"Does transporting the ambassador really require the Defiant?" Kira frowned. She would never understand these Starfleet people and how they were thinking. She had learnt to appreciate Sisko but he was obviously an exception. _And not afraid of breaking the rules every now and then. _But apparently not this time.

"I received my orders directly from a Starfleet admiral," Sisko explained, recognizing the expression on his first officer's face. "Our priority is to find Dax."

Kira nodded, unconsciously straightening up even more. _Of course. _Everything else could wait.

"The Defiant is the best ship in the sector if not in the quadrant but she is only one vessel. We stand better chances by dispatching many ships."

"All our runabouts and shuttles are out there," Kira reported, "and every shuttle, transporter or freighter in the sector has been notified to look out for the Rio Grande, Dax, and our mysterious survivor."

"Good."

"We also informed Risa and every inhabited planet along the way in case that's where they are heading."

"Going home?" Sisko mumbled pensively. _Possible. _"How far is the doctor with his DNA tests?"

"Ready," Bashir announced, just arriving with the turbo lift. Taking a few steps towards Sisko, he waited until everybody's eyes were on him. "It's a perfect match." Even O'Brien had interrupted his work and crawled out of a Jefferies Tube.

For a moment it was silent as they all seemed to process that information.

"So we have a dead woman on Risa and a mysterious stranger from an even more mysterious ship sharing the same DNA," Sisko summarized.

"They don't just share the same DNA," Julian complemented. "They are the exact same person. Identical in every physiological trait they inherited."

"Clones?" Miles asked but Julian shook his head.

"I don't think so. There are a few things that are different. My own scans showed some old fractures, probably obtained at a young age. But according to the medical files from Risa Jentala never broke a bone in her life. She did contract a very rare disease though that I can with 100 percent certainty say Ke'sh never had."

"Couldn't they have been cloned at birth?" Kira inquired.

"On Risa, 31 years ago?" O'Brien objected.

"Do we know either one of them was actually born there? Part of their DNA comes from somewhere else, why not the two of them as well?"

"You mean it's not that other DNA that was added to the RIsian components but the other way around?"

"I think the doctor has a theory," Sisko interrupted his officers, recognizing the glow in Bashir's eyes.

"In fact, I do," his first medical officer confirmed, barely managing to suppress a smile before he seemed to remember that this was still about Jadzia Dax and turning very serious. _You can say whatever you want, old man, but he's still pining for you_, Sisko thought to himself but immediately reminded himself as well that the situation was indeed serious. His old friend was still missing and they had to find her.

"I don't think they're clones," Bashir explained. "I think they really are the exact same person. They just lived different lives."

"But how-" O'Brien started but fell silent when Kira voiced her thought almost simultaneously.

"The parallel universe."

Sisko felt like slapping his own forehead. _Of course. _"It would explain how the ship could be from the Gamma Quadrant. Just not the one we know."

"It would also explain this," Kira muttered, staring at her console and whatever it was she had been working on the entire time.

"What is it?" he asked, stepping beside her and studying the displayed data.

"I managed to restore most of the deleted access logs from the computer in our guest's quarters. According to this she gathered a lot of information about the station, personnel, Starfleet…" Kira scrolled through the list. "Seems she was also interested in star maps of this sector and several more in the quadrant."

"Did she check any specific flight routes?" Sisko asked. Maybe she would tell them where she was heading.

Kira checked, then shook her head. "No. Maybe she knew deleting the logs wouldn't do it."

"Or maybe she hadn't planned a destination yet," Sisko mumbled.

"Sir?" O'Brien asked.

"Maybe she hadn't planned on leaving so early."

"But when Jadzia confronted her about what she had learnt from her friend on Risa she had to get off the station right away," Bashir interjected.

"But how did Dax put this all together so quickly?" O'Brien wondered aloud. It had taken the five of them two days.

"A very good question, Chief," Sisko grumbled. "It seems Dax knew something we didn't know. Something that made her contact Risa in the first place."

_And Sisko's not happy you kept it from him, _Julian thought. _You better have a good explanation when you get back, Jadzia. _If she got back. He swallowed. Of course she would get back.

"Sir, there's an incoming transmission. It has a Starfleet signature."

"Origin, Mr. O'Brien."

The Chief stared up from his console. "It's the Rio Grande."

"On screen."

Sisko heard Bashir's sigh when Dax's visual filled the screen, but he wasn't any less relieved himself. "Dax," he exclaimed, trying not to let his emotions show too much. He was still the commanding officer. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, Benjamin," the old mind in the young body assured, looking very tired though.

"What happened? Where are you?"

"On my way back," Dax explained, her trademark smile appearing on her face. "I should be there in about 30 hours."

"30 hours? Where are you? Are you alone?"

She couldn't but grin at Benjamin's attempts to conceal his concern.

"Yes I'm alone. I would prefer to give you all the details when I get back." She didn't want to explain the whole mess with everybody else listening and moreover she really wanted to get some rest.

"Fine. I'll see you in the infirmary," Sisko replied and Dax was smart enough not to object. Just because she said she was fine that didn't mean she was off the hook. And the medical check was still standard procedure.

"Tell Julian I can't wait," the Trill winked and a moment later she was gone from the screen.

¤¤¤

Sisko heard the familiar voices before he had really entered the infirmary. Stepping over the threshold then he still couldn't see her but hear the doctor making one of his jokes and the laughter in Jadzia's response. It made him aware o how much he had missed her those last three days. How much he had been worried, to be more correct, afraid he'd never hear that sound again, never see the glow and sparkle in her eyes again. Those young but oh so old and wise eyes. Having had the pleasure and the honor of having two friends with the name Dax, he couldn't imagine what he would do without her. And not just Dax, even Jadzia. Curzon's death had been painful but of course not unexpected given his age and his deteriorating health. He had been a mentor, a teacher, a bit of a father figure, and his death had been like that of those who are older, inevitable. But Jadzia was a whole different story. Young, refreshing, definitely part Curzon but still another, her own Dax. And like with all those who are younger he hoped and prayed he would never come to witness their dying day. _I hope you know how lucky you were to get this host, Dax. _

"I told you, Julian, I'm fine," the Trill stated with a confident smile just as Sisko rounded the corner to the midsection of the infirmary and caught sight of her. She was lying on one of the bio beds but her tone and her body language left no doubt how unnecessary she deemed the procedure.

Bashir obviously wanted to say something in response but noticing Sisko, Dax turned to him before Julian could take his chance and think of any more examinations.

"Benjamin." She was glad to see him but recognizing the expression on his face she wasn't here to give her a hug. He was angry.

"Doctor, would you excuse us?" Sisko explained as if on cue and Bashir complied although with a slight frown and a nervous smile. Dax sat up and let her legs dangle over the edge of the bed. _Alright. _She couldn't say this came as a total surprise. She had expected that he would have figured it out by the time she got back.

"Starfleet is very happy you're back and well," Sisko started, not sounding particularly happy though. But she knew, of course, deep down he was. She had seen it when she had contacted DS9 right after dropping Ke'sh off and getting on her way back. But just because Benjamin was happy she was alive and well that didn't mean he couldn't be angry with her at the same time. She understood why.

"So am I," she affirmed cheery. Just because he grumbled she didn't have to as well. Things had been serious enough.

"They're also eager to get a full report on what exactly happened," Sisko continued.

"And they'll get nothing less," his science officer said in played seriousness, lifting a hand to her temple. "Sir."

"Stop it, Dax," he barked, reaching his boiling point sooner than she had anticipated. Sooner than he had anticipated. "Let's put aside for a moment that you wasted time by not telling us where to look for your abductor, and let's put aside that I had to explain to Admiral Necheyev that I don't know what happened because you didn't even give me a preliminary report yet. Putting all that aside, I want to know why you didn't come to me in the first place!" He knew he had become louder and more aggressive with every word and a part of him wondered why he was this agitated. But looking at Jadzia he could tell she knew, tell by the way an idea of that smile was still playing over her features.

"You granted that my report could wait until we could speak in person which means you either know why I wouldn't give it to you sooner or you simply trusted me that I had a good reason for not saying anything."

Sisko didn't deny or confirm her conclusion but she was right, of course. Irritated he turned and started pacing.

"And Admiral Necheyev always annoyed you."

He glared at his friend but again didn't object. Jadzia grinned to herself. _Oh, that temper of yours, Benjamin. Curzon always thought it would cost you one day. _Sometimes she thought so too, almost expected it to get him in trouble. But somehow he always seemed to be able to control it just long enough not to explode in front of the wrong people or in the wrong moment. It had to be hard to hold back so often.

"And I didn't come to you first because I felt I had to talk to Ke'sh first."

Sisko stopped abruptly. "Why?" Seemingly uncertain Jadzia shrugged her shoulders. "You knew the circumstances of her arrival here were a security issue so how could you find something out and not bring it to me first?" he added.

Dax shrugged one more time. "Because I just knew that it wasn't just a security matter."

"What else could it have been?" he exclaimed and she seemed to hesitated for a moment before speaking again.

"Personal."

"Personal?" He was perplex. "Hold on." Did she still know more than he did? "Is that woman from the parallel universe?"

"Yes. But not the parallel universe. A parallel universe. Not the one we have visited on previous occasions."

_Alright. _He could comprehend that. If there was one parallel timeline, why not more. "And had you ever seen or met her before?"

"No."

"Then how could it be personal?"

Dax sighed. She had imagined this conversation many times on the way here but she still didn't know how to begin. Maybe sticking to the chronological order of things was best after all.

¤¤¤

"So she just let you go?"

Taking a sip from the Black Hole Quark had brought to their table a minute ago, _on the house, glad you're back_, Jadzia nodded. "I woke up and she was gone, the auto pilot set on a course to DS9." It was a simple but efficient lie. She and Benjamin had agreed that no one needed to know the details about what had happened after she and Ke'sh had left the station or about the nature of their…connection.

"No idea where she got off or where she might be heading?" Julian inquired curiously.

She shook her head. "She didn't leave a note or a flight plan."

"But why the whole abduction?" O'Brien wondered. "If she just wanted to get off the station why didn't she just say so? Nobody would have tried to stop her."

Dax sighed. "That's what I told her too but she was convinced we would have sent her back."

"We wouldn't even know how," O'Brien exclaimed.

"Then maybe she does."

They both turned to Julian.

"If she's so sure there is a way and that we could find it then maybe that's because she knows it."

Dax pondered. _Yeah, maybe._ It sounded reasonable.

"There's one thing I still don't understand," O'Brien caught her attention again. "What made you contact your friend on Risa in the first place?"

"Just something she said. It was more a hunch."

"And that's why you didn't tell Commander Sisko right away?" Julian asked and she pretended not to notice the skepticism in his voice.

"Exactly. Plus I didn't think she would pose a threat." Seeing Julian still frowning at her she decided to turn the tables a little bit. "Did you?"

"No," he declared, and for a moment she thought it had worked. "But why do I feel you're not telling us half of what really happened?"

She sighed inwardly but didn't let it show on her face. "Because you have a vivid imagination, Julian," she said instead and gave him one of her best fake smiles ever, hoping that would do the trick.


End file.
